good bye

i'm done with the past . its time I let go . I've had enough hurtful words . its time I move on . I'll make a new blog if I have to . I don't want to hold on to memories that are buried . I cannot salvage what is already gone . I can't move on if I still have this fvcking blog . i'll make a new one . start from scratch if I have to . I have someone else to be with now . I don't want to hold on . i'm moving on .

R.I.P
ThisBlog
FilledWithMemories
BurnIntoAshes.

self centered post .

boredom got me posting . well my plans on combing my hair are fail . its tangled and i'm not in the mood to manage it :| it'll end up with a lot of hair fall if I continue this . anyway . Mathplus will start soon and i'm still wondering . how in the world will I wake up and not stay up at 4 in the morning . another problem is the dental thingy . I still got a tooth broken :| and I still haven't had braces . and I dont plans on having one :| My nails look horrible again . i've got them all too long and it all looks horrible again . and my stay at Mendez actually caused me to not use lotion . so my skin is all dry again . my lips are dry as well . at least they aren't chapped anymore :| haha wow am I depressed again ? maybe I kinda am . or just plain sleepy . argh this is getting more and more self centered

SomePeopleNeedThreeDozenRoses.AndThatsTheOnlyWayToProveYouLoveThem
IfIAin'tGotYou(:


*faints from being too self centered*

Marga Weird Facts : Ideals

this blog post is requested by Elmo . I don't exactly know why i'm following him . but I think I suddenly got curious as well :)) I don't freakin know . ill test my sub-conscious again . it might have an answer again . my mind is so fascinating at times . even I am afraid of it :)) . so . bullet post ? I get the feeling this would be hard .

★ I like being with someone taller than me
. I like hugging other people . so maybe that's why my best friends are chubby @.@
★ I like people with long hair
. I go around touching other people's hair
★ maybe people who accept my weirdness
. its really odd to talk to normal human beings . I feel like an alien . maybe I am ?
★ I really appreciate being with people who are very reminding
. esp people who know I am highly forgetful .
★ people who are patient ?
. I tend to always say "wait for me" at an awful lot of times even if I don't want to :(
★ I love being with unpredictable people
. only I don't like the mood changing kind of unpredictable
★ I love being with listeners
. I tell an awful lot of stories . I even tend to repeat them
★ I also love story tellers .
. if a person is a speaker . he/she must also be a good listener (:
★ I don't say everyone has to but I like receiving gifts :))
. I try my awful best to give one in return (:
★ I don't like being with jealous people
. spread the love . don't be selfish . I don't get jealous myself (: only envy :))
★ I love being with music lovers (:
. its a language I use and understand :)
★ I'd love being with sporty
. but i'm still depressed about Kath not wanting me to get all tired and not wanting to teach me how to play volleyball :|
★ I don't care what a person looks like really (:
. will forever believe kindness and beauty are skin deep (:
★ *most important* I don't ever like the feeling of being lonely
. I don't want to be labeled impatient but . i've waited long enough . i've been waiting for nothing before and now I just don't want to keep

I just realized this is like a MWF :)) so i'm changing the title now :)) this does apply to everyone . I realized as well . this is all I can think of for now . ill post this on mwf next time . I feel sleepy . but I want to greet him when he wakes up .

IWantToBeTheReasonWhyAPersonSmiles(:

paranoia strikes

I think i'm paranoid . well last night I was mostly talking to myself because I got tired working during the afternoon . we cleaned the whole place . the whole second floor to be exact . I was so busy I kept some people waiting . it was so evil of me . but I have to admit . I needed both my hands in working . almost everything I had to carry was a lot heavy . and so all my efforts of wanting to be fat got wasted . that sucks . I just ended up eating slowly . . and so last night I,in turn, waited for them . I talked to myself . well couz the net was so slow it couldn't even load et ~.~ I couldn't even remember what I did last night . all I remember is I kept feeling like everyone was angry at me couz I made them wait and I kept scratching myself again . can't remember if it was red again . man i'm so weird . ill auto reply et now . I need to calm down now . i'm done with editing my blogger into what it almost looked like before . its not the exact one but it'll pass . I still have my frog at my desktop just in case I want it back . ill post another blog . 


StoppingThisDrama

anime ?

I have to admit . I missed watching all these animes . haha . I even watched YuYu Hakusho . my other tabs now are about Saber . man . I miss wasting time on animes . well I guess I still have June to waste time on them . well anyways . I want to watch these animes now/again :) I guess this will be a temporary sensation again . I hope . I wouldn't want to waste time downloading all those things . well I only have now to waste my time on it . when the calendar moves to July . I need to let go of all these temporary vices . DDtank and animes I mean . I really want to use my time on something at least . but I guess i'm still wasting them . I don't want to be plastic but I want to watch them still . but I still will study French . its funny . I still kinda know their names . and I still find them cute and addictive . btw . the net here still sucks . even if I am the only person using the net . I still find their internet very annoying . I can't even buff one video . shalalalala clap clap clap this is annoying . waiting . buffing . waiting . buffing . FTW ! look what just happened



this is just so great . so great :| ill try waiting if I can until either the cord disconnects or I feel sleepy

freakin late post . :|

ok so a lot has happened since Tuesday . which was crazily funny . well . I was in one of the usual boring days I had left on the longest summer I will ever have in my entire education life . everything else will be just a pit of suffering . Just like DLA ? haha maybe Mapúa was the DLU they were dreaming off . well buzz off . Malayan got it first . haha anyway . I got an unusual pm from my dearest sister . she was asking about a classmate of mine . I don't know what caught her attention but she asked a lot . which was so weird . the next person to pm me was my old classmate himself . well i'll just post their conversation . its so weird anyways

tsk tsk . her boyfriend got so mad . he got scared . this is what I call karma . well . I guess he deserved that . he isn't really careful with what he always says and he doesn't hell care that what he says can actually hurt or annoy another creature around him . that's all I can say about him right now . So anyway the next day I went home . here at Imus . it actually irritated my skin to actually be here . I took 2 baths that day and the next day . well now i'm a bit fine I guess . but yesterday was epic . I went to Intra to finally enroll . I was at hell . I don't know if God was really mad at me couz I seriously felt it . The scorching heat expressed that of the sun . it radiated everywhere I landed on at Manila . I still hate that place  but I am still forced to even go there for college . for what ? the greener pasture of course . except you need to cross hell first before you live in that freakin pasture . btw we also brought stuff for baby sister's birthday party . which caused me more fatigue that even my mind wasn't capable of . am I insane ? maybe I am already . who ever said I wasn't ? :| so anyway . the day went on . more fatigue . more heat . insert more dramatic figures of speech . damn i'm running out of ideas . or i'm just getting more and more annoyed ? anyway rain poured a few moments ago . and it just made the humidity worse . anyway I just want to share I changed my background the same day when I enrolled . its nothing really . just simple copy paste ~.~ and via request i'm posting what my desktop officially looks like .

Just My Background



How I use my Desktop :)




ill end your misery (:


CouldYouBeTheDevil?CouldYouBeAnAngel?

PS : I like using a new emoticon now >> (: fb chat is so freaky

.plans.changes.

I've been thinking of what to do :) well i've been nothing but bored lately . so now I want to start making plans for college :) and how I am going to spend money on college . I get the feeling I need to be more spendthrift by that time . well I just want to bullet what I am going to save money for . bullet post :)

★ Tickets for HP7 part 2 priority
★ Casio Silver Calculator . I get the feeling i would still encounter i :)
★ A new pair of Chucks :) i want a bright yellow/orange one like my neon pink . a pair :)
★ A plain green/orange Jansport :)
★ Some accessories for Macbook Goddess .
★ A gift or two for Kathleen ?

I know blogging this is seriously self centered . but I just need to keep my hand firm on what I am supposed to plan on and keep my word :) i've been nothing but bored these days . but I have been a bit successful on some of my plans . but most of the time DDtank comes in the way . but still I still did get to learn a bit of the French language . and I am now more comfortable using my left hand in writing but still have my right hand writing look good :) I still want to improve myself . I want to be a better person . or at least . I want to be worthy for anyone . I now believe change is very possible . :) who wouldn't ? I suddenly will become an engineer . who would've thought that was possible ? :) or the fact that I could just let go of my UST dreams and go to Mapúa ? well enough of UST . I feel completely changed :) I love what I am now :) but there are still empty holes on me . I still feel incomplete . as though someone is supposed to be there and cheer me or something . but I realize i've got nothing . no one to share this happiness with . i've got some friends yes . but they have their own problems to worry about . im just a waste of their space . anyways . gotta run . off to bed . this blog is too dramatic . damn it marga


ImTheNewDramaQueen

MyHolyWeek.o:)

ok so ill bullet post what I have done this holy week :) I hope I remember everything . I hope you like it :)

Saturday night before

★ Total computer boredom and all that stuff .
★ Finally decided to help Mama Lorna with designing the karo
★ I helped Mama Lorna design and put up the karo with flowers .
★ Had my imagination working
★ Completely made the karo look fabulous :)
★ Gone to sleep with my back aching

Palm Sunday

★ Total computer boredom and all that stuff .
★ Readied for the prusisyon
★ Watched The Prince of Tennis before joining
★ Joined the prusisyon
★ Everyone got tired
★ Decided to eat on Tagaytay
★ Mcdo moments
★ Used the PC for a while

Monday Tuesday

★ Total computer boredom and all that stuff .
★ Thought tita wasn't gonna come here
★ Stared into nothingness most of time
★ My period came in

Wednesday

★ ate Julianne came home
★ Mama Lorna and Tito Bhoy's Wedding Anniversary :)
★ another prosisyon
★ Dysmenorrhea got me
★ I tried to join
★ But the pain ate me whole
★ Ended up with my titas at Lola's house
★ Used Maurice's DSLR
★ Camwhores come in
★ I became the Photographer
★ They liked how I can produce good Jump Shots
★ Got worried they weren't gonna come fetch me
★ Dysmenorrhea consumed me again
★ They came at 1O.3Opm
★ Got home
★ Ate a lot
★ Got to sleep

Maundy Thursday

★ Tita finally came with Bon and sister :)
★ They brought the Laptop with them
★ Total laptop boredom and all that stuff .
★ Second thoughts about the Bisita Iglesa couz everyone was too tired from yesterday's prusisyon
★ Except me @.@ but I was tired as well . due to my monthly dysme @.@
★ Laptop blues
★ Dysmenorrhea blues
★ Snap decisioned the Bisita Iglesia
★ Gone to different churches
• St Agustine
• Alfonso
• Silang
• Sungay
• Lourdes
★ Oh! the car got jammed before going to Sungay . had to fix it :)
★ Was on the verge of tears a lot . but kept myself still
★ Was so damn windy and cold @.@
★ Got home tired
★ DDtank before going to sleep

Good Friday

★ Total laptop boredom and all that stuff .
★ The final prosisyon
★ The Pamigay controversy :))
★ The swimming rumor next day
★ The Flat tire :) strike 1 of the controversy
★ Laptop blues
★ DDtank blues
★ Got to sleep :)

Black Saturday

★ Surprisingly no Total laptop boredom and all that stuff . that day XD
★ couz the rumor came true :))
★ everyone in the gang joined :)
★ Jhonna Vs Justin the bag that got left
★ 4 car convoy was formed
★ Got to Batangas
★ Tito got annoyed the convoy got broken
★ enjoyed the rest of the day swimming :)
★ The jammed car :) strike 2 of the controversy
★ Got to sleep on the way home
★ Slept hearing Pussy Cat Dolls
★ Woke up hearing Pussy Cat Dolls
★ Decided to use the laptop
★ Ended up talking with Steve
★ Got to sleep earlier :)
★ like 2am :))

Easter Sunday

★ Total laptop boredom and all that stuff
★ Mae came over couz her mom wasn't home
★ Got to eat at a birthday party of Lolo and Lola at Burgos :)
★ Teased her with her Antioch stuff from her retreat I guess .
★ Her brother Kuya Ivan came to the rescue :)
★ Mais-Melon Con Heilo :)
★ Laptop blues
★ DDtank blues
★ Blogged yesterday
★ Got to sleep
★ Had a dream

well it is very weird yet it is also a fun week :) oh btw . this week . i've been sleeping at 3 a lot . if you guys were to ask :) I S
sincerely like my holy week :) I wish by next year . I have someone to be with during the prusisyons @.@ I want to share with someone how fun it is here at Mendez during the Holy Week :) I wish everyone had a good Holy Week as well as I did :)


So.HowDidYouSpendYourHolyWeek? :)

unexpected dream

i'm so sorry for not blogging for days . man . except last night . the blog pushed through . anyways . the reason I haven't been blogging is that . we always go out a lot . or DDtank has all of my attention due to the slow internet . so anyways I wish I don't end up deleting this one as well or i'll just re type this kind of start all over again :| so ill try to narrate the things I have done during the holy week :) oh wait . I want to blog about my dream last night first . well anyway I seriously didn't expect to have a dream last night . it is somewhat associated with my blog last night @.@ damn me . so anyways my dream was kinda messy . I was with my cousins . we were out on another adventure . on my way home my other home I decided to walk . all of a sudden other people were walking as well . most of the time when I walk no one else walks at Meadowville . all of a sudden I recognized him walking somewhere in front of me . so i skipped past him . it was weird . considering I wanted to run . I just stupidly skipped around Meadowville . so he had the chance of following me and actually walked past me again . after he did I got so damn tired I fell on the floor . he helped me get up but I brushed him off . even if I was so damn tired I tried to run . but he was by my side effortlessly running with me . I got so mad I banged the gate on his face . i'm evil right ? but he opened it yet again effortless . I hate it when he does that . all my effort gone to waste couz of his enormous strength . I am such a weakling :| I only like that part of him when he does that for me not against me . i hate myself for being such a weakling . I dont have anyone to help me anymore :| I feel so alone now . damn . ill post about the holy week in a new post . can't bear this drama .


asdfghjkl;

i ♥ TheNotebookForever :)

My Dearest Allie,

I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us.

I’m not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love.

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you.

Noah.

well I miss my 'The Notebook' book . well everyone knows that that is my favorite book right ? . haha . as if :)) the fact is that its my favorite book . the false is the part where every one knows about it xD well not everyone bothers to care anyways . if I was in someone else's shoes I wouldn't care what Marga's favorite book is anyway . like my new favorite site :) haha . well insecurities kicks in once more . just like yesterday . i was talking to a potential suitor . i even discriminated myself in front of him . unluckily it didn't work ~.~ I can be a lot unlucky at times . especially with the self actualization . self esteem and impressions on me . I act dumb a lot . I know as well . but I kinda realized that . to know a person . if the freely accept you for who you are and accept you and your worth . well this is too dramatic I say . anyways i'm here to blog about the saying



"Right minus Wrong"
I just felt like its time i finally blog about it . its really weird and I think the person i told this to doesn't care anymore . but I just suddenly desired to want to talk about it . well I can't say it to some certain people so I just decided to put it here . where no one bothers to unravel the mystery behind it . couz basically its just some worthless piece of shit . just a riddle I created to ruin someone's mind . I am such an evil being right ? I hate myself I know . so anyways . this saying means on my personal view on such saying that he should never let negative stuff take over the positive ones . it just seems unfair sometimes I guess ? couz I get the feeling I personally did that on him . and I seriously am a sucker . I hate myself . I wish he loves who ever she is with all his being . I don't deserve to be happy . I hope he's living the life he's meant to have . damn . I promised to God I wont cry anymore :| I wont stop him from being happy . I should stop now . i'm not crying :) but this is seriously wrecking my mask again . i'm not supposed to let my reflections show xD

Allie Hamilton-Caulhon :)

uniform L:)

ok so i want to confess . i miss using my DLA uniform T.T well all of a sudden I was staring at my default pic and I have to admit . my DLA uniform was the best :) even the small hole of my skirt due to the soldering pen at my Sophomore year wasn't a hindrance to make me miss it . or the holes on my PE pants due to the accident on my Junior year . memories . me and my uniform went through it all :) all of those dramas on the battered hallways of DLA . the long walks outside of the campus . difference and all . still hasn't sinked into me I won't have a freakin uniform for Mapúa still weird . not sure if its cool ~.~ but I get a lot of Mapúa shirts by then :)) I would look like a fan rather than a student xDD anyway . i really miss DLA already and all of the randomness that happened in that weird campus of ours . but hey . I look cute on my last pictures as a DLAnian right ? :)

personal views on Social Networks

this is getting more classy as it gets . i have to admit . its really boring to use plurk now . well the thing I don't like about it now is that . i've got no one to talk to but myself and my micro blog . well there is no thrill in that anymore . just keep raising karma . and nothing more . its not like it used to when I still have . yeah . well anyways . I think this will be my most used site now . I don't think facebook is very addictive . its not worthy really . I just use it for communication's sake . and the pictures which I need to use . well I am not popular . so I don't use twitter . and i'm not a feeler to even care . and tumblr ? well I still don't like the way people behave there too much . they are always too full of themselves . well I think this place is lonely as well but still . I don't have to care too much as hell wants me to right ? blogspot is somewhat a property O.o I don't know but its a perception of mine . but i've got no where to go . and i'd rather be stuck here writing about something than talking too much about nothing somewhere else . at least I know i'm still sane blogging here . Statuses and Micro-blogs are kinda pointless now to me . i've got nothing against it but I just don't like it anymore . you might think i'm prejudiced using those stuff sometimes but what i'm saying is I don't like using it anymore . m'kay?

NotAllAntiSocialNetworks

new template boredom

after flooding myself with css . i am now finally done with the background and all that stuff I did . now . i'm just hungry again . and bored . and blah blah . I just wish the navbar was a frog just so i couldn't stop staring at it more . wishes . all that stuff . boredom . fulfillment.

Edit:

Oh btw . I have now successfully transformed my navbar


I would like to thank my computer knowledge and now I have successfully edited this thing . *bow* :)

ImOfficciallyDoneWithMyNewTemplate

random blah blah . rants .

ok so i haven't blog for 2 days in a row already i'm really really sorry :( my apologies :) so anyway i've got loads to tell :) anyway i want to share first that the other day was my first successful car wash :) well basically we don't have a car at home and they have 2 cars here . so I just want to say that it was my first time I guess ? to car wash :)) it was kinda fun actually . except the part where red evil ants pestered my toes and ankle . its still sore up to now . and i'm still scratching it . tsk oh yeah before that we actually washed the old plastic flowers to make them look new again . so anyway i hated the ant bites because of the fact that i look like a kid crying for help when i felt the sensation of ants in between my toe nails . haha seeing myself whine again looked a lot weird . but i had fun . so anyway the next thing that happened was i got invited to join Bebe Jhonna on her "Gala" with her friends . i liked a lot of it but I can't spill the details . o:) sorii :) so yesterday we then had visitors all from ate Julieanne's coworkers . well they all look gorgeous I guess ? I seriously don't know . so the morning we like made food for them . visitors right ? they complimented it was superb :) It made tita smile so thats good news . so anyways at the afternoon . at first I didn't have any problems with them being here and all but they kinda annoyed me I have to admit . when I was about to start my sleeping time upstairs . I realized they were in the room I was supposed to sleep so I just didn't bother and used the other room . my mom's room . so anyway every time i was supposed to close my eyes and sleep they suddenly become noisy and laugh all over the place . so I didn't get to sleep T.T just when I was about to give up on sleeping and decided on just taking a shower . I then realized they kept coming in and out of the comfort room . Just when I also decided to just was up at the other comfort room downstairs . I suddenly saw almost all of them come down stairs on my way up to get my towel . and that got me scratching my head again "-.- I mean literally . anyways sometime after I got out of the shower .they decided that we go shopping for food .  well I was kinda wanting to control the amount of food to get actually . couz last time we only spent like 2OOphp on food . just me and kuya Justin . so anyways when we were at Robinson's at Tagaytay . the thing was . there were a lot of hands getting food on the cart so . I guess we didn't get to control the number of food coming into the cart . so guess what ? almost all of the junk food cost like 2OOOphp . wow right ? thats like so weird actually . I have to admit I cant digest all of that . i'm not that addicted to junk . It just so happens I was in a weird psychologic state of wanting to eat each moment but not making myself full . weird sensations ~.~ so anyways here I am now . with almost 12 hours of sleep yet im still sleepy . i have to admit


IAmASluggishSlothHereInMendez ~.~

Ryoma Echizen

ok so i slept in like the morning and i woke up in the afternoon . i suck i know i hate it ~.~ anyways i did that because of a show . wow how unusual right ? me not watching tv a lot . sleeping that too late just to watch an episode . just that episode . how weird of me right ? so anyway im like here doing more weird stuff . wow being here in mendez got me doing a lot of crazy stuff ~.~ anyway im MargaretteNicoleNocedaManicdao right ? nothing can stop me >:) i want to be a lot more happier now :) so i will let it happen :)


GoingOffWithASmile :)

French :)

i'm here for more :)) anyways i'm really thrilled to be learning the french language :D i've already learned a lot and i'm thrilling myself for more :D its like its so weird couz their language is kinda pronounced in a fast manner and sometimes you have to like stop and chop their sentences into words couz some of the words are almost sound into one . like . vivez-vous . and all those blah blah sounds . it may sound crazy coming from me but i really like this :) ill just learn some more . ill end this blog with

J'aime mon blog ♥
A Biento :)

monster :))

haha ok so i know its late and all that stuff but i'm perfectly awake and still . i slept a while ago and woke up at 9 . which makes perfect sense i'm not sleepy . ok ? so don't fuzz . so anyway i wanna share . i've been eating a lot . i mean a LOT . man what is so wrong with me ? i think i'm really getting ready for college and all that stuff . i really don't know why but i had sensations of having to eat here or something . its weird i know . but what can i do right ? after a month ill lose almost all of it like i almost didn't intake any of it . but for now ill be a food monster here at Mendez :)) . and they are letting me be as well . oh dear . my metabolism . it really sucks i really wish it'd be better ~.~ oh btw i just changed my pages . so now its MWF . wtf do you think ? monday-wednesday-friday ? FTW ? thats MargaWeirdFacts :) haha anyway ill just edit it from time to time and tell on my posts if i've edited them or not . well anyway thats all thank you :) *bow*


CookieMonstarr :)

another asdreamfghjkl;

heya this is the dream blog . well anyway i have to confess the dream i had last week and the other night . i cant take its still here inside me when its screaming to be shared . well last week was the first dream i had that was seriously against Vince (which means its screaming that i should move on and all that stuff and all that hurt and all those tears and the list goes on) and anyways the dream is about me in college . first day . i enter the room with a guy ready to kiss the top of my hand . shocking really . the dream told me his name was Elmo . and he will be my love affair in college because he is also a Mapúan . it was so cute actually and he kept courting me a whole term . and when he was about to quit . the dream told me that i was the one who courted him on a teacher day out or something and like asked "Hey Elmo" and showed him a placard writing "Will I be your cookie monster ? ♥" look at how cheesie i am @.@ haha im such a weirdo . anyway i waked up with an image on my head me resting my head on his shoulder on one of the benches in Mapúa . oh btw Elmo was faceless so i have no idea if he is real or not . and he's skinny and a lot taller than me . still not sure if he's real or not . so anyways . ill proceed to my other dream . the other night i dreamed i was with another guy . he was faceless too . but he was chubby . and from the way he was standing i was sure he was familiar . i knew him but i knew a lot of chubby guys and stand that way @.@ it annoys to figure out who it was @.@ so anyway the dream goes like this . i had a suitor . the guy . we were at sm . i don't know which one but i was with him . Michaella and tita? i guess ? we were at a supermarket . when Michaella left i don't know but we were kinda pda O.o i don't know i had my arms around him a lot and he like carried me on the super market and all that stuff . the dream was really all just me doing pda with that suitor . and i nothing much about it really . all just me doing almost all kinds of pda @.@ haha anyway ill end this blog . ive got nothing more to say but


MyNoseIsStillAnnoyinglyItchyEvenAfterBlogging2Posts :|


PS: does anyone understand the title ? O.o

mendez ♥

Heya ! sorii for not blogging the past few days . well basically our net got disconnected the other day . and oh yeah i man currently in Mendez, Cavite . well its nothing to brag about right ? but ill be staying here because i don't want to fret staying at home doing nothing but play online games all day and its kinda a preventive measure and its time also i start learning the podcasts i downloaded . well i really wanted to start yesterday but i was kinda tired yesterday so ill start today :) anyway i kinda missed 2 days of blogging so ill blog almost everything . i hope . so lets start with Camille's graduation bash . well basically at first i thought it was only her . but when i saw the sign . it wasn't only her who graduated so she wasn't the only one who was celebrating . so i was with some of the eleven people and psalm :) well we played upstairs with Camille's wii :D it was really fun and all that stuff :D i really enjoyed my time with them :D i also brought congee home :D but when i got home we lost the fcking net . that was so annoying i was out for more or less 2 hours and that happens ? that really got me hell annoyed with our net . anyways well i got here in Mendez yesterday . and it was fun actually . i got to know what DDTank is yesterday . a cute game like Boomz . well anyway i will make another blog about dreams . just so i have them separated . :)anyway . im planning on making a tab on marga weird facts . just so i dont keep on editing the posts i make with marga weird facts . thats all thank you :) *bow* ill end this blog with


MyNoseIsRedFromScratchingItTooMuchAgain xD

asdreamfghjkl;

heya . i forgot to share about my dream last night in the previous post . well anyway my dream last night goes like this . i was online again . again my view was only on the screen . well i was playing Dragonica again . which is kinda weird couz i decided last night as well to stop playing it now that i dont want to waste my summer doing nothing . so i was online . and a miracle that my couple was online as well . well my couple is a stranger really . i just let the status be a couple just to have one of those cute medals they give you with +stats and all that stuff so anyway . my couple went away for a while . and i like didnt open the couple tab to make sure he's online or something . but next thing i new my character was next to another couple . wearing stats with "Just Married" . well their names were . Light and dark . i woke up actually because of that . it was 8:3Oam actually . its been along time since i woke up that early because of a dream . the last time that happened was the 6:45am tears all over me incident . well thats just what i want to blog . i dont want to spoil my new reader/follower . haha . funny but let your presence be known ~.~


Dreamer

ChangeIsEssentialWhenTheDevilIsPresent . i think

well its my new perspective of things . and i seriously want to change :) well im tired of using the same excuses really now . this happening is triggered due to the report card that i have received and the dreams i hold on to for Mapúa :) . anyway i started with it already . of course when we start change we always start with ourselves right ? so i started with my closet . i removed all of the clothes which i do not wear anymore . and wait i have to say my fingers are shaking right now . i seriously wont use the mouse too much right now couz it hurts to look at it . anyway . the next thing i did was do errands for tita . which is normal but sometime after it i kinda wanted to help tita do laundry . and that stuff so i just basically did . wait . is it me or am i totally over using words like anyway . seriously and all that stuff ? ~.~ whatever Marga ~.~ anyway . i really have to do this >.< pray for me :) so anyway i wanna share . when money gets to us . im getting a wardrobe makeover . one of my drawers is out of place because tita is actually starting to prepare for me . haha . i want to choose clothes now . :) weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :) and i seriously need to buy cheap ones so i get a lot of them :) i need a year full of clothes . well almost everyone knows that id rather be a kids barbie doll than dress myself up couz the first thing i see on top of my the pile on my drawer will be the dress i will be wearing . the selecting is not really random . except the times whne its not a pile . couz there  are times when i literally get clothes like im choosing a winner at a raffle draw . its horrendous to even think about it ~.~ but its real ~.~ anyway ive got another thing to share but this time about my two sisters . its really epic to even just look at them . they fight like its always the end of the world . haha its so funny to look at but it really bothers me what they would look like in the future ~.~" but i do hope they dont end up like this someday -_-"

haha im already scared of what they'll look like @.@ i really hope not couz from the sounds of what they were producing a while ago . i had my imagination working well even up to now with the conversation i am having with Kathleen Anne Merced Sanchez Taping . tsk tsk and by the way i just got my HawHaw Addiction back on my spinal . i will spend more i guess ~.~ well i loved it before and i will love it again . woah i wanna use this line on him ~.~ im crazy i know :)) thats who i am :)

MargaretteNicoleSantiagoNocedaVeluzManicdao

PS : ahm those are the last names of all my grand parents :))

2 years ago .

April 6 2OO9
6:11Pm
I still remember everything clearly . I was holding my phone . waiting for my turn on the pc . waiting for my sister to tell me its my turn . I had a conversation with him . I was so glad it was him I was talking with . Until I realized he asked me the question . He gave butterflies to my tummy . the eternal happiness I thought would forever soar within me . Without question of how many times he would ask me . I just said yes . not wanting to care . but to be his .


That scenario was 2 years ago . the scenario I hold on to up to now . the scenario I would never forget . how his words always make me catch my breath . The scenario that I would want to come back to me . as tears flood me now as I type these words . I write this . I still love him . like what I promised . I dont use my tumblr too much to not bring too much pain because almost everything I read there actually causes me more pain than hapiness . I dont know myself . I remember . I used to do everything with you . I tell you even the smallest things that hurt in this condemned body of mine . and you would be my hero and heal it . I see myself as more stupid as I go . I tell you what goes through my head . You even know when I have dreams or not . But I remember more his dreams than mine . The dreams that used to haunt him and make him wake up in the middle of the night . It causes me pain till now . I want to be with him now more than ever . but who the hell i am to wish for that ?

Marga weird facts : Behavior

boredom has once again brought me to you my dearest blog . i just wanted to say that i now have successfully downloaded all the podcasts i need in learning the French language . well . i just need my headache off me for a days or a few . i seriously hate learning stuff when i am hindered by some medial reason . blah blah and all that stuff . so anyway im here to blog about some weird facts again . well being alone and my head on fire for days kinda brought me into observing my self again . tsk . dont ask much about it . it was some comfort room blues . :))

★ i dont like opening too much lights
. it may be because i like it dark or im just really not in the mood to open them . *if cr* it may be because i dont want to feel the coolness of the exhaust fan
★ *important* i pick whatever clothe is on top of my wardrobe
. i seldom pick my clothes . only on rare/special occasions
★ i still nailbite
. when bored . in deep thought . waiting and all that stuff
★ *very important* i dont lock the door .
. so you basically have to know first if a creature is inside the room . may it be me or some horrible creature .
★ *important* i dont like brushing my hair
. you may discriminate me now but there is a real reason . i like someone else brushing my hair for me . not that he's still to brush my hair or something .
★ i like brushing my fingers on other girl's hair .
. i seriously dont know why @.@
★ i almost always have a headache .
. you seriously need to bear with the drama coming out of my brain when that happens
★ im not afraid of grasshoppers but they still freak me out .
. its disgusting to look at them .
★ cockroaches are no problem .
. but when they fly . thats a different story man ~.~
★ i actually like taking care of kids :)
. it may depend as well of course if the kid is a bully . then im a bully as well
★ most of the time when i get sick it has something to do with my tummy
. like vomiting . lbm .
★ *super duper most important* my eating habits
. if you want to clog down food on my throat if you have to . that'll be difficult . very difficultulcer

this post may be edited for future references :)

--Nicole :)

what to do ? ~.~

ok so im freakin tired . of this life i mean . i dont know what to do much really . im just always bored and wanting to be with other people . but i am seriously tied to this house . can someone please visit me ? @.@ or better yet . please give me permission in being with vinni T.T i miss her so much . or permission to be with wrenzo . anne . vida . psalm . camille . or anyone else in this world . or maybe even a stranger . i am just so freakin dying here . i am so in to using metaphors right now . couz this plain sucks . i need money . i need to get out of here . i wish scimathela is still available for graduates . just for the sake of leaving this freakin house . this is freakin boring . all i need are some shackles and some wroth iron bars . and i can do more acting on this house . damn me to hell . i am so full of weirdness today and into drama . rawr . i'd better go and just learn a language . i seriously still havent started couz the net was slow a few days ago and now that its back to normal im gonna finish downloading all of the podcasts i need to learn the language . maybe i should do more researching if you know what i mean ? my life sucks in doing nothing .


 well my life just plain sucks anyways . what to do . what to do . learn a new language and stop all this drama . damn it marga get a pen and paper and start doodling


PS : i really love the new mcdonalds commercial . cuuuuutiiie :D 

I'mANewDreamer .

ok so . i noticed . i get dreams almost everyday now . well that sucks . it makes me cry . either before or after sleeping . and in some days i even cry on both . anyways . i want to share this dream again . well . i had a dream i was online on plurk . and i noticed ludee wasnt using anymore . she really doesnt go online anymore . anyway what happened in my dream is that i had an accident . before i had the accident my karma was 95.blahblah and when i woke up my karma was 57.85 i was like . FTW whywas my karma like that ? O.o WTH and i realized . i wasnt wearing any bandages . i was a bit chubbier than i was a bit and no scars on me . i was petrified at first . but then ludee came next to me and told me . she used a freakin time gadget to get us back in time . she told me she only planned on using it on herself but she realized she wasnt the only one in pain of some kind . well her problem is like the one on the confessions of a shopaholic . the green scarf of some sort was there as well . she told me i needed to save myself as well since she already brought me there . well the story became very predictable then . i reconciled with vince blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah . you know the drill . well after that . what i saw was . i was in front of the pc again . and i fell asleep with my karma gone +2.OO . that was weird . and the position i was when i fell asleep in front of the monitor was the same as when i woke up . on the street . and everyone was around me . i still got the accident . but this time he was next to me . rather than me on the room by myself . what a weird dream

Marga weird facts : Face

just out of boredom i want another bullet blog about me :)) im sorry but im beginning to really like bullet posting :))

★ I seriously dont know how to smile
. well up to now tita still teases me and tells me i over use a fake smile and look ugly
★ when i over smile . i cant see anything
. is that a part of being chinita ? @.@
★ when i dont smile my nose looks like its artificial
. like you only put my nose on purpose or something @.@
★ my teeth look horrible
. i seriously need to use braces . even if im afraid .
★ my face is square ?
. im seriously not sure what my face's shape really is
★ i only have 1 dimple
. on my right cheek . its awfully weird .
★ i dont have pimples
. only on the rare occasions before i have periods :)
★ there is like a cut or something on my eyebrows
. i dont know what that is but i noticed Vida dearest also has one :)
★ i ALMOST have a cleft chin
. just a small cut or something

was it me or was i really vain on this post ? :)) must be because im really awfully tired and all that stuff . im going to bed i guess . even if im really not too sleepy . yet im dead tired . it was our graduation . haha whatever bllsht


MapuaGirlAfterAMonth :)

April 1

haha i have to admit . today is freakishly funny . Today is April 1 which means . bullet :))

★ Its a new month
★ Start of Summer
★ Its April fools day
★ Its Fred & George Weasley's birthday :)
★ Its our Graduation Day :(
★ Its a Friday

you know what that means ! :))

haha im just bored ~.~ gonna get ready for graduation not for rancid friday ~.~

somethings that will never change :]

ok so i think this would be my last blog post for march . haha . i want to blog about the title :) may it be old or new ;) bullet mode :)

★ my blogging addiction ♥♥
★ my color orange addiction
★ my all of a sudden science talk
★ my being a social introvert
★ my being a cry baby
★ my being reckless
★ my being random
★ my being open for something interesting
★ my being lazy *under construction for essential change*
★ my being a weirdo
★ *the return* of my lip biting habit
★ my being an accident prone within 2 mile radius
★ *new* my love for tangled :) ♥
★ my love for domo :) ♥
★ my love for frogs :)
★ my love for Spongebob :)
★ my love for iTouch loves
★ my love for MacBook Goddess
★ my love for chopsticks
★ my love for music ♥
★ my love for silence
★ my love for nature
★ my love for stars
★ my loathe for phones
★ my loathe for flying cockroaches x.x
★ my loathe for noise :|
★ my loathe for answering back
★ my love for Kathleen :)
★ my love for Arjone
★ my love for Wrenzo
★ my love for Anne
★ my love for Karyl
★ my love for Psalm
★ my love for Camille
★ my love for Pascal :)
★ my love for Harley
★ my love for him

lalala :)
♥MargaretteNicoleNocedaManicdao

smiles :)

ok yesterday was almost happy . i helped Winnie in coming to school yesterday . she isnt comfortable in commuting so i escorted her . well i feel more comfortable if i am to be the one to assist her . well she has been one of the most precious persons i have known in my life . i dont know why . i love taking care of rubiks :) and we got on a food trip . just me . Winnie . Alyssa Lim . and Pajee . just out of boredom . next thing we knew almost everyone was eating with us . anyway when we got back to the campus . the next thing that happened is that kathleen gave me a gift . an official doodle notebook :) but i feel like it would be the most precious notebook i will on on college . i will surely treasure that object :) and another gift was from geline bayongan . i really didnt expect it but it was an offical Lamarck t shirt :) that made me awe . Lamarck is really precious to me as well . but i still get the feeling im not very welcome anymore . or maybe i just need enlightenment ? i dont know . i still feel like they still dont like me . :| anyways thats ok . next thing i knew we had a thumbs up on our general practice :) our teachers finally liked our performance . i really dont know but i still think our batch is just really lazy when it comes to practices . but we still do our best when it comes to our finals or something . its always kinda like that . i am very proud of this batch . but still feel like i dont deserve to walk with them . they are so mighty to my eyes . like nothing can ever compare to how much they really are one of the best . i never even knew i was a part of it . i am such a mute ! dang it . i dont want to think about it anymore . after the practice i waited for karyl and arjone . well i didnt know what arjone was doing so i just waited for her . i wanted to spend another day with karyl . and i feel more comfortable crying on her shoulder . i really dont know why but out of all the people i told the story . she was the only person who really got me on my knees again and crying . well arjone made me laugh rather than making cry . anyways . i had a new friend en route . his name is Marc . i really dont know much about him . except the part where he is head over hells over Jamie . but thats not a hindrance for him to be my new friend right ? and lucky him . i was in the mood to treat everyone for ice cream . well half of it anyways . and im glad i actually got to do that . i dont want to save money for this summer anyways . its going to be a dull summer :)) thats fine . i dont want to spend money on ran online anymore . that just sucks . i want to spend money on ? . . . . nothing :) maybe on going out or something . maybe ? anyway i want to ask God's guidance for tomorrow . tomorrow is everyone's big day . and btw . today is the last day of my drama month . haha . memoirs of all the drama before college :) i just want to be happy now . i just want to be the marga who he once loved . and the marga who is worthy to be loved . i still dont know what to wish for but happiness :)


MargaretteNicoleManicdao
Graduate.Batch'11
NP: Take my hand --TheCab

dull :|

i hope those would be the last tears i shed for something i dont own . well . i have to admit . i am not his . nor is he mine . God i feel like crying again :( well my eyes hurt . and i didnt even got to say what i wanted to say . who am i anyways ? dont dare to stupid . he is happy and satisfied with his life . dont be a hindrance stupid . he wont read your blog posts anymore . he doesnt care . he was only there a while ago to make you feel worse . he was only there to act like you do . damn it . i dont like him acting . dont i get an award ? damn it . he is always hell better than i do . why does it always have to be him ? and why the hell in the world did i allow him to see my eyes red ? damn you marga .


StillWantsToGoToHell
ALotMoreStupidLoser

sadness . and all that shit

wtf this is my 5th post for march 28 . damn this day . i cried like 2 times today . and another 3 more with almost doing so . kuya Paulo made me cry again . couz i still feel like a hindrance to him . i dont want to waste his time on my drama . he has his own life . he doesnt need to make me happy couz i feel like i really am not . i am not the sister who helps him . it the other way around . im being too dependent too . i am really sorry . and i dont want to be a hindrance to you too kuya :( . but i still believe in what i told Portia today .

Some people only ask you: "What's the problem?" not because they care . but only to be informed of what is happening

and

Some times you have online friends to depend on . but not those people you see daily face to faceyou see them personally . but they have another online friend .

sadness still surrounds me .


PleaseBuryMe6FeetUnderGround.

damn me

ok so i feel bad . this is fcking annoying like go to hell marga . we thought your video would work . now what ? wtf ? we have to do another couz your fcking video wont work . they might not say it . but i know it runs on their minds right now . marga you have failed pascal once again :| you are fcking stupid marga . so is your video :| damn you marga to hell . agree ?


my mood changed from good to fcking wrong . this day sucks anyway . except marchele's birthday . damn you to hell marga


GoingToHell
StupidLoser

Things to learn . list :)

ok so i was thinking . of those things i want to do . regarding my mom i mean . i want to be multilingual . like her of course . here's a list of what i want to learn and what i know:

★ English (improve)
★ Japanese (learn more)
★ French
★ Tagalog (iMPROVE)
★ Italian
★ Alien *joke*

well its what i hope and what i really aim for . i really hope i would really do what i want to . and not just hope and dream about it . well i am doing my best to download lessons . and im guessing ill just go do self studies again . well i did learn a bit of the Japanese language when i was a sophomore right ? it was just a supplement for boredom before . but now i want to focus on learning it :) so i think *and hope* i can do it :) i know i can :) anyway i dont know if my mom ever wanted to learn one . but i seriously want to learn how to use instruments . blah blah here i go again . here's another list :)) :

★ Organ . here i go again
★ Guitar . i wish Ichan would help me :(
★ Drums . wtf ? :))

haha here i go again with these instruments :)) well its really not that bad right ? at least i learned a bit on all of these @.@ tsk . im freakin serious @.@ . i even enjoyed the drums a bit . tsk tsk . anyway i was just sharing . ill be back later i guess ? this net seriously needs a boost :| BL :)


BlogLater :)

not a nightmare but a bad dream

morning blog . ok so i know this is early and all that stuff . well i just got off from the bathroom and all . but i dreamt about him last night . ok so you're probably wondering . who in the world am i talking about couz i know i've been blogging about different persons . but its vince . i became a cry baby again . i just woke up and tears flooded my eyes . i dreamt about something not real . but one of the dreams i seriously wanted to fulfill with him . i forgot the name of the game but we got harnesses on our bodies and we were jumping all over the place . i seriously have to go now . i just want to lessen the redness of my eyes today .

my lovely online siblings :)

ok so i want to share . i am doing everything i can to download all podcasts . there is on which i subscribe . well out of 4 . i only got 1 complete ._. well the other 2 have like 3OO+ ._. and this one im downloading currently is full of videos . at least . there are only a few . but still . anyways . i want to share . just randomly a while ago during a conversation with portia . i suddenly want to fulfill everything my mom wanted to do but wasnt able to because of my birth . i want her to see herself in me or something . i want her to be happy and proud of me . i love her that much . anyway . i also want to share that i now have my 2 favorite online siblings :) twinnie and onii chan :) i really love them both :) and ive been spending awful lot of time with them and i dont freakin care :) i really enjoy their company :) btw we were just bored today and we just went playing around and gone hunting online :)) just a game . with hunting and all that stuff . i really would like to treasure them both . even if we dont know one another . i actually feel a lot more at ease when talking to them rather than to a person i meet almost everyday . im just sharing again . good night :)

status :))

ok so this is my supposedly status a while ago on facebook but . it has character limits and i freakin exceeded :))

`for graduation
Madison Nicole Manicdao:
i am but a small voice . i am but a small dream . to smile upon the sun . be free to dance and sing . be free to sing my song to everyone
Michaella Nicole Manicdao:
im that star up in the sky . im that mountain peak up high . hey, i made it . im the worlds greatest

`so nainggit ako . ako din :))
Margarette Nicole Manicdao:
we are the world . we are the children . we are the ones who make a brighter day . so let's start giving . there's a choice we're making . we're saving our own lives it's true we'll make a better day . just you and me
--takte pambata :))

well that was really funny :)) i have to blog off first . tsk tsk

annoyance and everything else

ok i am so sorii blog . ive been really bored lately and ive been entertaining myself . for ahm . i dont know . since wednesday ? i patched the new dragonica . well anyways ive got lots to blog i guess ? first . we had our baccalaureate mass last friday . and its awfully weird . i was almost late because of tangled AGAiN :)) is it my fault its my new favorite ? :) its my new background really :) a picture i saw from tumblr and i edited it :) and i now see them on the side of my screen everyday :) its so cute :) the things i see on my screen now are rapunzel . eugene . domo and distressed . some gadgets and some lyrics i like :) and icons ~.~ anyway im really weirded out . couz sometime after it we needed to have another practice for graduation . i feel like a baby ~.~ and its awfully annoying . well what annoyed me the most was the planned boycott . it was so selfish of them really ! its not like they were the only one who was shouted at . we all got shouted at . why the hell in the world are they selfish ? well we are then the ones who got MORE shouted at . and i really didnt want to talk to them . and even one of them had the nerve to like the status ? wtf ? that was so irritating ! anyways . at least we werent the only one who got shouted at . i feel bad for them . but i agree with sir . sir kinda didnt like what the mocc did . im not sure if they are prepared or anything like that but . i dont know . i dont have the right . well when bentz and his company did theirs they said they were one of the best . im not saying THE best . but ONE of the best . :) just clearing :) the boycott annoyed me a lot . they deserve their consequence . i think they deserve more .  except momii tellie i think she has a reason . i dont know the rest . grrrr need to stop that . anyway yesterday was annoying as well . well yesterday was the CAT graduation . what annoyed me is i woke up at 7.54 and what sucks is that the call time was 8.OO . i got there 8.3O something ? tita wasnt there . she didnt even bother sending me there . it was just annoying to even join the party after it . so i went home ahead . to my more annoyance tita didnt even realize i told her the night before about my graduation . wth ? she totally forgot about it when i woke up she like was on bed playing the ipad . so i just took a bath . i dont want to bother telling her anymore . after i took a bath and wore my cat uniform . i just saw her downstairs . about to drink a cup of coffee . so i didnt bother telling her . and then what ? i get a sermon i didnt tell her ? wtf ? i keep telling her . for the nth time ! so i seriously didnt help them in cleaning up after meal . so 2 days full of bvness . tsk tsk . anyway . at least i got dragonica sometime after those and its really entertaining me :) btw ran annoyed me last night . it was so log . anyway at least we got an e room . but i didnt get to enjoy ~.~ anyway im really sorii blog . those were just dull days . and really annoying as well . missed you :D


MargaLovesThisBlog :)

weird dream

i had a dream last night :"> it was so cute :D i was dreaming of a cute elmo and cookie monster stuffed toy . so after a while i got out to a mall . i was with a blank faced man . i dont know but our fingers were intertwined and that felt so good . but on his other side was a person . im not sure if male or female but their arms were locked together . we were walking blah blah until we saw the cute stuffed toys again . and he saw my longing eyes . and he almost dragged me just to buy me the toy as a gift . i was about to get domo for money and so but domo was left at a car we rode on or something so i also dragged myself out to a car park or something . unluckily i woke up . but my mind drifted away into sleep again . the next thing i knew i was dreaming 2 years ahead . i was dreaming of a debut or something . the debut i always wanted when i was a kid . sorry to say but i never dreamed my debut like those princesses and all that stuff . i always dreamed id be in a place like Palawan :D and that was so cute :D im not sure but i like saw a list or something . every Pascal was there :D ♥ i kinda saw in my dream as well someone else was going to have a debut . was it jerome ? but i dreamed vinni and yana were there :D i miss them a lot . its also in my dream it was a surprise birthday party . it was some kind of date at first and ended up as a debut . well whatever . it was just a dream . well at least i get to blog about a dream or something now :D anyway i blog about almost everything under the sun now :)) :D

Pascal is my Ohana :D ♥

ok so i really need to fulfill my promise . whatever i write . should be removed out of my system . i really need to get it off me . just to make me better or so . i want to be the marga i need to be . i dont need to bear problems i dont own . i need to blog happy posts to cover the dark ones . i need to show the world i am not sad . and i have got a happy blog :D couz i need to be now . i just realized that with pascal . well . i cried a lot yesterday . i cried more a few hours ago . that was like a lot . i actually didnt know we were going to have a crying session after the party . i didnt even have a handkerchief to cry on O.o so i wasnt really prepared . well . i really didnt prepare much on this event actually . i just wore my pascal shirt . the shorts tita hates seeing me wear . and my favorite pair or striking shoes . i was really doing my best in not showing the fact i was crying almost all night . and almost didnt eat as well . i was wearing a mask . like my childhood favorite song . reflection by Christina Aguilera :)) but at least . these tears were very different . they were tears of appreciation and love . i really feel like . they filled holes on my heart . they are like a family to me . i really love them . i dont know if they'd be able to read this or anything . but i remembered what lilo said to stitch .

Ohana means family . family means no one gets left behind

i totally didnt share that in class . couz that was just my mind working :)) well i hope everything we said would be really treasured . i really love the fact that we really enjoyed the company of one another . and i wouldnt want to miss a chance to see their dreams come true . and make everything they want be fulfilled . just like everything else they said . im ending this blog with a smile :D


My ohana :)

who am i ?

i have all the reasons in the world to be freakin depressed . here's a list

★ i am a freakin love child
★ i am a mistake
★ i look different from my sisters
★ i look horrible
★ i am ugly
★ i am a waste
★ i dont have parents coming over for my graduation
★ i am not an awardee
★ i am stupid
★ i dont even deserve to graduate
★ i dont deserve to be in DLA
★ i am a freakin cry baby
★ i was lied on .
★ i dont deserve requests
★ i dont have a best friend
★ nobody wants me
★ nobody needs me
★ nobody loves me

who am i anyways ? to ask for goodness when i am nothing but evil . i was born as a mistake . i dont want to be a hindrance anymore . maybe after graduation ? just to give them at least a certificate before i go .

edit :

now will you look at that . someone just agreed . tita did . lets add more bullets

★ "tanga"
★ "inutil"
★ more stupid
★ more swear words
★ insert swear word here
★ and more here
★ and so on

its like the taste of bitterness on your face on the evening before going to sleep . i 

im fucking fed up

one more post . i need to get tears off my eyes before tita goes home . fucking facebook . i deactivated my account . cant they just say yes and get a move on it ? masaya na sya hindi nya pa ako mapagbigyan ? i wont use plurk and facebook anymore . i just realized . i have been looking stupid for a half a year already based on what he said . pretending to use infatuation over everything . thanks

:| again

To you again .
Will you PLEASE stop making me wish for nothing . couz you are an impossible dream . so just shut the hell up and stop making me wish for you more . WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME ? you are freakin happy now . you said so yourself . I'LL MOVE ON NOW . so what are you doing earlier pm-ing me ? like wth ? if you arent a bitch . stop acting like one . im fed up being honest . why in the world of all the people did it have to be i get to be honest with ? why in the world cant i do it to other persons ? why in the world ? why do i have to constantly shed a tear for you . block me please . i just . cant bear it . be happy . live without me . i dont need to see your happy posts . i dont need to be your friend . you have other deserving friends . im not gonna be an enemy or something . i just need to be a stranger . 

more drama

ok this day sucks . i mean . totally hopeless . well lets go bullet i guess ? ~.~

★ i woke up home alone with bloo
★ my sister with her boyfriend all day .
★ and im like all alone here
★ no breakfast . no lunch before going to school
★ cat grad practice
★ no gala
★ home alone again .
★ stupid wifi needed fixing
★ plurk is freakin defective
★ kathleen is so not helping me move on
★ depressed like hell
★ frekin noodles again
★ over cooked rice .
★ my sister got home with Marco again
★ no cw . on a freakin saturday
★ bored like hell .
★ a bitch talked to me again .
★ why wont the bitch be contented with his girl friend ?
★ a friend not helping

well the bitch made my day worse and i want to curse him for that . well at least i watched tangled an hour ago and that made me a bit better than before . but one last share before i go to sleep . well before Marco left . we like shocked one another and that got me breathless . well we did scare one another back there . and we looked weird . anyway im off . ill let my downloads go overnight while i go to sleep now . oh just now . i decided to learn a new language . its not new . but i just want to learn it now . its french well

À bientôt adieu! :D

drama

here i am . still on my cat tshirt on . hungry as the acids on my stomach consume me . and no one else on this house except me . haha this is boring . and freakin scary . i am alone once again with bloo . i named her . but not her grandmother . anyway . i am now eating noodles . i dont bother telling if im afk . rawr anyway . today is boring unlike the 3 days before it . well except the part winnie and i went to SLEX :)) it was cute to see her happy again :D well she is still kind of down because of not making it to the honor roll or something . i really dont like seeing her upset and all that stuff . anyways the practice for cat is seriously boring because of the singing . but i guess its ok . id rather practice now than not know what to do next week . id look stupid . anyway i still dont feel like graduating . its still sad my parents aren't here to celebrate with me . and that sucks :| anyway speaking of graduation . i just wanna share about graduation gifts and all that stuff . i wanna share what my dad suggests for a graduation gift which i would . i guess receive on july .

my dad's suggestion:

★ a new macbook goddess .
★ an ipad 2

but what i want *or* need:

★ a battery for macbook goddess rather than a new one
★ not sure about the ipad 2
★ beats by dre
★ new clothes for mapua couz it doesnt have a freakin uniform :|
★ domo bag
★ a proper dentist appointment
★ make myself not miss kathleen
★ achieve self actualization

most probably out of all the things i want . only domo could be possible :)) if you were to notice the 1, 2 and 3 are actually expensive . the clothes and the dentist appointment are very weird gifts to ask for . and the last 2 cannot be gifts and i just realized they were wishes with no hopes of being achieved . tsk

ok so i just noticed . March totally has the most drama this year i guess . haha this will be my 19th post for March and almost every post have different subjects . haha this is so weird . anyway . more drama to come . not the scaring Ichan Orcino type again :)) haha epic :D well . it may be because i am about to graduate or so ? that'll be sad . but whenever something ends . another starts :D ♥

Pascal :D ♥

happy 1OOth post :D yehey :D anyway . i can say again another one of the best days of senior year :D i didnt know my 1OOth post would be for Pascal . well my 99th was for Curie . which i didnt expect as well . well at first i was thinking it was another one of those usual dramas and all that bitchy stuff . but i really enjoyed this day . hearing all their insights and laughing when knowing one of your classmates are being tricked and all that stuff . well i really wasnt expecting i would join them and i just told myself going with them would be better than being home alone . so i decided to join them and i feel like its good i followed this feeling than worrying over somethings i really dont need to worry about . and i dont have regrets . i even found out a lot of things i only once sensed . at least we got to know and shared again each other's insights . a small open forum on little things and sharing of some petty stories and some serious ones as well . well i cant blog about them couz Judh was with us as well and i dont want to let his story out . i am still not over his stories . . . . anyway . before coming to Ichan's crib . some other Pascal's who werent coming . joined us in eating rice congee (lugaw) well at first i really didnt want to eat as well but i joined in just for a change and for some weird fact . i enjoyed the meal :D . its my first time to eat rice congee and i successfully liked it :D well maybe i was just too afraid of how it would taste like couz before people used to serve it in a very unsanitary manner . so i once decided to not eat such thing . and so my first time to eat such thing was really all from pascal's influence :)) anyway when we finished eating . people who were really coming to Ichan's crib came to where we were and some of them ate as well . but some of them had to go to Ichan's house ahead . well i didnt realize . while they were eating . we were actually waiting for Judh . when he came he was welcome as usual to come with us :D anyway we split up again during the jeepney drive and all that stuff . when we got to Mary Homes we walked our way to Ichan's house . en route a shadow emerged . O.o :)) joke it was Polk and i gotta tell you . they looked like they saw a ghost . especially ate yanna :)) she almost jumped :)) you would think it was cute if she wasnt hiding behind tim's back :)) well it scared Roscoe more couz it was him Polk sticked to . it was almost coincidental that Polk stuck on Roscoe on the side where his pocket's phone is . so when he left they decided to make a joke that Polk snatched Roscoe's phone . so they decided chela borrowed his phone on the jeep . and i be the one to hide his phone :)) it was really funny really . Pascal can actually have its own drama club :)) but i gotta share . Pajee, Aerold and Ichan actually got tricked :)) its funny also how they looked like :)) epic :)) btw i really love Ichan's dog :D ♥ so cute :D and it likes me too :)) and it hates Aerold btw :)) considering Aerold lives near that place :)) . well speaking of Ichan's dog another trick came up when Ichan's dog scratched Chela's foot . Ichan's face looked more afraid :)) but he knew better than be tricked . but Chela's foot did hurt because of the scratch . after that we like ate Pajee's blow out :)) and Judh shared :D lalala :)) some left early . and after that we shared some more and it feels like we need to share more stories but again time is still on the run .


well for 3 days . ive been out of this house a lot and i felt like . i really wasnt out of place . i just needed to open my self a bit more couz they already accept me as i am and i love them and im gonna miss them . i love batch '11 :D ♥ best batch evah :D ♥


`Marga :D

Curie :3 ♥

Curie made my day :D that was so fun :D i really missed them and all that stuff . well i was late and that was funny . i forgot i already asked for tita's permission . so i went home to ask for her permission again and when i got here she like said . "Bakit ka pa umuwi ?! Sana dumeretxo ka na lang dun" :)) that was so epic and funny :)) so anyway . when i got there . a lot of people was there :D that was so cute :D and i thought i wouldnt be welcome or something . i thought i was just gonna stay in a corner again . and do nothing . well . i kinda felt more comfortable with them . well maybe i was really just a bit afraid . too self conscious ? we played like kids again :D . and i felt a lot different . like we were the same kids on 4O1 room . like all of the stress of being a senior didnt matter :D . they are still the best persons to take away stress :D i miss blogging long stuff about them . but i really didnt post all of them before . i must have deleted them before . bummer . they heard bentz sing again (i do a lot) . haha . couz most of them were laughing . at him . i guess going home was a wrong decision . time is really what we need i guess . i missed a lot of it .


Highway Praxidice :))

dependency :"|

sometimes i wonder . if im really a someone to her . dont i basically have the right to get at least annoyed once in a while ? dont i get the chance to cool off from her striking words ? i always feel like she is far more strict than my mom . my mom lets me do anything i want . she lets me have everything i want . she can be both . but she is now very limiting me from the new things i want . dont i get a chance to change again ? dont i get to change ? couz basically she will leave and ill be no where near me . me and my drama again . i need space . i need to adjust . she knows how much i am dependent and how much i suck when i dont have a host ? i wont have any by july so i basically need to adjust not being with her couz she wont be there for me anymore . i hate myself . i hate being dependent . im a loser


``freak :|

different streak of weird

today is worth blogging :D well today is kinda different from the days beforehand because we are given the privelage of having a half day :D yay :D anyway since today we only get to have half day its worth comparing it from the day before . well yesterday . expectations were not met . and i got my heart broken yesterday because i was expecting to get 2 signatures of 2 persons i really yet i didnt get one :| thats totally depressing . well i did got signed . library :| but that doesnt count i guess . thats different . i totally felt like i wasted that day for leaving a notebook and a powerpoint presentation at home . hopeless :| so yesterday i really wasnt in the mood for practice whatsoever . my singing sucked . i really hate singing when i feel like i didnt do anything worthwhile . i know i waste a lot of time and all that stuff but i know what my limits are . i know i like wasting time . but i seriously dont like wasting efforts . i realize that now couz basically ive been like that . luckily sir JR finally signed my clearance . its like i really didnt want to let go of my smile when i finally saw his signature on my clearance :D its almost like all else was nothing compared to physics . that will be my last tear for that subject this school year . after math . everything will fall into place :D but i still dont know if id graduate . i still fear i didnt do my best in everything and that i will fail . and i seriously dont know what i am . who i am . and what im supposed to do . i really dont know . i really still dont trust myself . anyway . since today is half day . we get a day off from graduation practices . thats like so cool . couz i dont get to hear "jokes" anymore . tsk . ive been hearing that word and working on my weird laugh . my classmates missed that laugh :)) joke . anyway they decided differently O.o so i really dont know who to be with after we eat . anyway i really didnt expect to be with them . and it kinda made me happy to be with them :D i really like that they shared a lot to me . and they really like to do a lot of crazy things as well . its kinda cute to look at them since they are a whole group and i look like a freak when i an weird all by myself . well maybe i am a real freak . i am maybe . 

:|

ok so this day could get worse right ? i got him angry at me . and he is not online for me to beg of forgiveness . so ill just suck my sins for now . anyway i am really evil for doing that i guess . i never knew he was anti any of those . he used to not care couz i never really used to cursing


To you,
i just got that out of my surroundings and i changed a lot since ive been alone . i have been alone and sucking at it . ok so im sorii . please forgive me :| i know it sounds strange and all but i already told you . living without you is like hell . and i know its my fault and ive been living in this hell i made for myself . i know i dont deserve you . i know i cant live on my own . i really dont see a future anymore since you left . i really didnt want you to . well duh you were my future . its just i felt . its best for you . i dont deserve you . i dont believe in what you said about you not being boyfriend ideal couz you are the perfect guy who ruled my world . i still keep crying at night for you . i still treasure every gift you gave me . except the ones i've lost when we were still together . i know you still hate me for all the mistreating ive done . you seriously dont deserve to have to be with someone like me . im just blogging to seriously get this load off me couz no one really does listen to me when i talk about you . i am so tired of pretending to like someone else . why would you even think of such a thing ? you are one of those who believed . i cant believe you . i tried to believe as well . but it felt pointless . you know how i hate not telling the truth and how weird i become when i dont . i need to cut this . i feel like crying again . im sorrii . good night . i still love you


--loser