distress

i need to blog before i review O.o haha i seriously cant take it . my head hurts . my ears are dysfunctional . and my nose is escaping . i dont know whats gotten into me . but ive been depressed the whole weekend as well as this morning . its like i dont have the right to be happy . *drama* . i really find their blogs a lot more interesting than mine . i guess they have fresher ideas than mine . my blog is my literal journal . speaking of journals . i wasted time once again on reading princess diaries . rather than writing notes on physics . i totally had to finish the book again before writing for physics . thats the thing i hate about myself i guess . i totally dont let go of books i started . i really need to finisht it first before i let go of such object . anyway . blog you are so old ~.~ i looked at my first post on blogger . and it brought back the urge for me to write that long again . btw for those who dont know . the first post is not the first blogger post . that was brought back from my multiply blog ;] . and its amazing how being random can make you type everything what you never really imagined what was really going through your mind . i never even really thought i could make such composition . i really wish i could make such composition again . but for now ill just let my fingers run through what is really on my mind . haha i am currently multi tasking by letting my fingers go through what is on my mind rather what i see . anyway . i dont know what to feel again . i feel like i should make a dream come true again . over dose of tangled again . itouch is telling me .

i used to care so much about what others think about .
i almost didnt have a thought of my own .
the slightest remark . would make me embark on a journey of self doubt

sad really . but it doesnt end there .

this girl has got stronger .
and if i knew then what i know now .
i would have told myself dont worry any longer its ok ;]

one of the songs i really love most . its old . i know . but i love natasha so much :3 a real sense of womanhood i guess . she taught me how to love myself :] still . i am too afraid to tell the world everything whats going on through my mind . maybe a reason why i am labeled as weird and very awkward to be with . no wonder no one likes to talk to me too much . anyway . id rather write it on a blog than say it to anyone . i guess teacher aida was right about my old dream of becoming a member of social groups like greenpeace . i cant even socialize . i care about the environment a lot . but i cant even adjust on my own community . its an irony as i may say . a person like myself would want to be a member of such an amazing organization . i guess ill just go to computer conferences in the near future . i would be mediocre . as i always feared . i dont want to be a part of the crowd . yet i dont stand out . i am left out . thats the term i guess . SELF ESTEEM PLEASE GROW . i HATE BLOGGiNG ABOUT YOU . this is SERiOUS iSSUE yet there is NO solution . :| i need a new topic . it sucks talking about my self esteem :

grrr next blog please ~.~
--LoserNeedsALife