stupid feelings

ok blog my head hurts and i dont want to write for physics again :| tsk i know . i know im lazy . forgive me but i really dont want to write T.T my feelings are all mixed up again . i really dont know who to love . and the reasons why i feel like so . i really loathe this feeling . up to now it really doesnt make sense to me . why am i like this ? ok i want to break down what i really feel . well yesterday i had a conversation with Arjone Marie Cruz and i told her . i think i want to pursue college and forget about a lot of things . im tired of becoming constantly hurt of the past and not moving forward . i keep pretending to be in love when really im not into it as much as they think i am . i am still haunted . i still love him most . guess what ? i get a lot depressed basically . im stupid i know . his posts are not for me . i shouldnt look at it . or else i will *i do* suffer the consequences and get hurt . well he is happy now . except the part where his real best friend doesnt like his new love . i really dont know why she disapproves . i really dont want to know who his new love is anymore . i dont want to be part of the topic . i dont want to be hindrance . i want to live in harmony with myself . well i also told arjone i want to forget about a nightmare . the person who scared me . i never want to see his face . i really dont know if he has the ability to love . i pity his girl friend . she deserves a better man . i really wonder . if she is smart enough to realize . how blind she's been on loving him . i dont know . i dont want to judge her anymore . i just feel she needs to wake up . at least i did . i dont want to be with a nightmare . i also told about arjone of my new dream . i still dont trust myself if it were to happen . i still dont trust me of the truth . i dont know if people tell of the truth . i will share one . the person who currently makes me happy most promised me something that i feel is worth breaking .

"I am willing to wait for you"

i never really knew someone whould do that . and i dont feel like trusting . i already feel my heart breaking . i am really afraid of trusting now i guess . well i will share about my conversation with arjone about my new dream . my dream is now to learn how to trust . and love and believe in myself . and i also dream of a guy who would patiently wait and trust me more than i can ever trust myself . if you know me enough you would know how low my self esteem really is . and how i totally loathe myself . i dream of forgiving and forgetting . i once realized . i never really had proper dreams . i was always filled with nightmares . and fears of who i really am . i fear what is really laid before me . i fear it would someday consume me and take me . i realized i never dreamed . i only wished and now . i need to hold on to what i believe is called hope .

i miss writing love on his arms
--Vince's brokenwingedangel