faux fantasies

depression takes over . he said he will now move on . he said its time i let go . he said that i should go first . yet now he asks my permission . he will now move on . he said . he only misses some things . like the things he does to almost everyone else . he wont seriously miss me . he is just telling that to make me feel better . i cant do anything else . but to let tears fall on my eyes and hide from everyone else . it doesn't matter . its my fault anyways . who am i anyways ? like what i always say . i am nothing but a speck in his memories . i am an insignificant part of his past . my heart hurts thinking about him . i cant use someone else . yet he advised me to do so . and it hurts couz i feel like i need someone to support me . and it hurts thinking that he can never look out for me anymore . no one can ever look out for me now . my best friend will go to dlsu dasma . and i will just accept and let her do what she wants . even my false dreams about jerome sutacio did not take over . its like all my faux chimera didn't  stop all the hurt that i received . nothing can make me feel better now . its not like jerome is the type where i can cry all day . or maybe he is really just a stranger who comes to like me and would leave me after knowing some of my stories . i may tell a lot . but not everything . tears fall . not look into other's eyes . i feel more stupid . crying constantly at the same person whom i vowed never to . idiotic right ?


well here i am . crying . not only for japan . but for the hurt i feel . i want to let to . i want to move forward . yet my heart wont let me . will i use another person . just to make me forget ?