here i am . once again . deleted . haha . this sucks . it really shows how i am not valued by persons around me . so i dont need to do so on myself . i really hate marga . TRASH . i really dont blame them . she is garbage bin worthy
i wasted 4 hours waiting infront of some stupid stupid hospital lane only to find out the check up took us no less than a minute . and we had to leave . i wasted time like hell in manila earlier . i was forced to wake up early today . to the extent of a 5 minute shower to come early . i was so damned . i guess this is really the saddest christmas i would spend in my life . i am wishing i was like the guy from 'the man who cant be moved' . well basically i cant . first . im too weak and too sensitive to feel like stone . im a cry baby . i loathe myself . i loathe how i run my life . i seriously hate myself . argh ! for the third time . i despise myself . i freakin do . how can i dare like myself when all reasons tell me not to .
i have to admit my heart hurts a lot . i have tons of load on my chest . ive got loads of reasons to cry now adays . i loathe my self . ive got no one to depend on now . i feel totally lost . damn im crying infront of my pc . stupid marga . im guessing i wont finish this . ive got myself lost because of my stupid decisions . i am totally surrounded by people who are so self centered that my heart hurts thinking of how much i love them and in return i dont mean anything to them . why do they have to ask me if im fine if really i know they just want to slap on my face my mistakes and it hurts that i have to tell them when they force me . and it hurts me a lot . damn corrections . i wont look at my monitor . tears are falling at my keyboard . why does it have to be to the point i pity myself for living ? i want to move on . but im so totally tied . damn .
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