frustrations

ok i really need to blog . my mind cant function for english . gawdd i miss verdana x-small . i really miss my computer too . i so totally hate this . i hate everything about myself . well here is what i want to say . i really am totally annoyed with myself and everything connected with myself . well lets start with home . i guess maybe im just annoyed with home so anyways . i had another heart to heart talk with uncle dearest . i guess he is becoming the godfather i used to imagine he is . well his name is the only name i see in my baptismal certificate . well i guess i have to side with him with my cousin being a biatch . well basically she is . i hate using foul words but my head is really troublesome and i guess i just cant help it anymore . this is my outlet and i miss it and i hate that biatch for not letting me have my outlet and i get my mess everywhere . so now i can keep my mess on one place again . wow i guess im coming back to my senses and making this blog . well i dont want to be a biatch either and not express my dear annoyance [oxymoron ohh XD] well i need to blog this because i cannot restart my mind with elegy written in a country churchyard . i really hate life when i really cant express . id rather leave or fail or anything . but i really need an outlet . in school i cannot speak myself out . i cannot make everyone listen to me . well basically they just listen to themselves . well heres an insight . well i really hate some persons inside of the very room i consider as another home . well since i realized that i dont consider that place as anything but a study room now . so anyways heres the thing . i really hate pushovers who think they are the ones who people need to listen to when really they are just some other losers who really just feel like they are authority when really they arent . so going back . its not just this thing but i know behind my back they talk about me like im a burden and unneeded like a little baggage needed to be disposed of . so anyways i really dont like their attitude . getting all of the tasks needed to be done for themselves alone and telling you . you dont have anything to do while they are all stressed out . like hell ! you are not a god to get all of the tasks done with one hand and you complain to the ones who dont do anything because you guys did everything already . well . im saying im not like those too dependents but i really just hate it when you offer help and they dont accept they sometimes blame you for their fault already . wow . im getting lesser pains in my chest now . so another is for todaii . well i just learned that the 2 persons i love and respect in school [take note the only 2] are half day . well i was thinking kath wouldnt because she actually was quite happy with me during break and even took me out and dragged me to the cafeteria . well i feel like she will have a check up or something . i hope she's ok . and the other person i love and respect in school is max . well i was quite worried of him also . well he is really sick and i cant help but think of him like crazy . well it is vomiting . the thing i used to hate for one month . well i know his isnt anxiety . thats good . you really wouldnt like the feeling of having to look around you and feel the person you are waiting for isnt coming back . . . . . btw i got an anxiety attack when my dad first came back to the phils and he needed to go back to italy which caused a curse in my heart . so anyways if i were to write all the curses in my life it wouldnt fit in this very blog post . i just want my chest to open up a bit . its not healthy not having my blog around . i missed my blog well i feel a bit better . . . . . i guess at least . well its not like my old blogposts like august :[ i miss august :[

-- stop the tears from falling . need to find self actualization . stop faux pas . stop faux ami

fridaii the 13th x.x

wow . so happy fridaii the 13th . . . . on second thoughts . not really happy . im really dizzy and all that stuff . it is kind of really annoying . well from all of the commotion for today its really not lucky . haha . well to be honest i just wanted to put friday the thirteenth on my blog XD haha so anyways . speaking of friday the thirteenth . friday the thirteenth is a superstition that so many bad things will happen today . one example is those unluckiness of people . for me this is a superstition not to follow . well some people really do have bad luck and some even have accidents on these days and put their blame on such days . on my opinion it is not luck . it is their own stupidity [is it me or my exclamation point or is it just random ?] well i think and know they are stupid . well how dare they blame a date ! what losers . well is it just by chance that we dont have water running down our faucets the next 3 days due to the cleaning of the tank . so i guess i dont and wont care . but it is not very healthy . well how about school ? x.x well i will go to school tomorrow . x.x how about me ? x.x so anyways today is really not a bloggable day . its just i want to focus on superstitions . well i really dont like superstitious people . i think it is a faux pas . well . you keep on getting away from black cats . friday the 13th and all those stupid stuff . i just think it is really silly and all of that . argh i need to go . i have to clean myself up . we still do not have stupid net . i really hate globe . i guess unluckiness just happen to be here . no net . no water . i can live :] ill read noli me tangere :]

-- stop the tears from falling . need to find self actualization . stop faux pas . stop faux ami

annoyance

i loathe globe ! condemn them to hell ! (¬.¬) i so totally miss my comp :[ i really want to play ran :[ well my life is getting more and more miserable . well basically i dont know how to function without a computer . well basically . i really want to punch bon bryan pasuquin in the face. he really deserves it . well basically an idiot like him needs to have realization he is . well basically he is so totally a waste and he gets a laptop . well a person like him for me doesnt deserve anything . well its not my problem because of his laziness plus his stupidity got him to study at a public school . argh . and what will he do ? boast it to poor people ? and so ? some poor people are much more deserving than him really . well i am SUPER not wanting this laptop but the thing is that . i really hate his BiG MOUTH ! CANT HE JUST SHUT UP ! i like so dont care about stupid laptops . well basically i have a desktop and a laptop which will come soon [i just dont know when] but basically i dont care . but why does he boast at me ? like the hell i care . he doesnt even have a face that he can boast . well look at us tres marias unlike that ugly guy . maybe ugliness also have their positive thing . people pity them >:]] well im getting evil . . . . . . . . . well basically i am >:]]

ciao >;]

-- stop the tears from falling . need to find self actualization . stop faux pas

patapon

its time to blog . well I haven't been blogging for ages . look at how few my posts are last october and september compared to last august . :[ sorii . oh yeah . maybe because of the birthday stuff . I feel more and more pathetic . well basically I made a good habit and not follow it *idiot* I want to burry myself again . how many people are reading my blog anyways ? please comment on this post if you read my posts . couz at times I really feel like an idiot feeler . I dont know if people are even reading my posts . another faux pas . btw . my fave word in the world is faux pas :] its a French word meaning 'false step' or 'social blunder' well it means the disregard or wrong manners/etiquette :] I dont know why but I feel like I want to learn french :] its a very lovely language *i guess* well . moving on . PSP iS BROKEN TT.TT . no more patapon TT.TT well share . I feel like Bon doesn't deserve a psp go . well basically he doesn't even study . it might not look like it I'm smart . but laziness takes over . i can prove it ! make me talk about algebra . nature . genetics . human psychology . codes . rubiks cube . sudoku . and even spongebob I can give you a very favorable conversation and answers while if he reaches my level [third year] or even fourth year ! he can't answer you properly . this is only basing from his mind status at grade 5 . well basically he doesn't even know what 8x7's product is ! I really dont trust him . I picture his future as a assistant . or maybe a vulcanizing boy . well I'm basing from a third year's perspective with good human psychologic analization xDD well . basically if you talk to him all he talks about is facebook cheats . bike . and going out with MY uncle ! well whatever . i dont want to go and change him . he is very hard headded . and I guess I dont want to spent time with Tito anymore . well basically I dont want to change his mind also . why does he even think like that ? saying . I dont eat regularly and is therefore "evil" *joke* "disobedient" to my dear tita . gawdd ! I cried for that real hard . well . basically I was hoping real hard . that he ! of all the people in the world would understand me . he of all the people here . prior to the fact he is not with his only child and longing for him dearly . didnt he ever think a moment or so to fully understand my situation . of how I am so not used to living with other people . as respect I dont count them as strangers . I give full respect and all . but I am so not liking the way they they always talk about me like im nothing but a slut ..... wow a bad word on my post . but basically I feel like that . they judge me as if we dont live together and they say stuff as if I am 'evil' wow . they are like claming in a traditional view from tle our topic in conflicts in business management . what more can I do ? he doesn't even know he is my godfather and even disregarded it . I'm just a stupid person who needs to be fed and whom of which is hard headded and wouldnt do so . gawdd I feel like crying again . I feel miserable again . I hate this . well now I just can say possibilility I'll have another exclamation point . I feel more stupid . well nothing new . I already am . already was stupid .

-- stop the tears from falling . need to find self actualization . stop faux pas

lessons :]

[happy all saints daii ü]

wow i just came home from mandaluyong :] my old home :] i still consider it as a home . but i dont have a house there anymore XD so anyways . i noticed that i only come there if something is happening XD haha . i really miss living in that place . but i guess i dont know if i could . maybe in college or something . so anyways . at first i was really annoyed that i joined in the mass . well basically they made me join but they wouldnt even talk to me . and they even talk about me . so im really annoyed . so in order to let my annoyance put to good use . i carried iison from the 5th floor to the 2nd floor using the stairs :] haha . well i felt better after it . and what else could i do ? and so when we got back to where we were staying . i wasnt in the mood to eat again because of them . and so after they ate they lectured me again . well they said ulcer is a family sickness . and some of the elders really did die because of those reasons . well i cant help it . well the thing that really annoyed me today is they said to strangers [to me] that im afraid of gaining weight when im trying my very best to gain weight . after a few . tita just told me to go to sleep couz maybe she felt my crankiness . well i noticed just now i looked cranky XD so i slept until 4 . when i woke up my sister told tita she wants to go home already O.O like what ? O.O we havent even visited our sister yet . so anyways . we like walked towards the cemetery . like what ? i just woke up and now im walking . well whatever . its better than waiting long hours . so anyways . i like lighted up a candle for baby fatima and i like prayed and wished she take care of mama ü well after lighting the candle i saw a childhood friend looking at me . well basically he was my hero before XD haha . and i dont know why but my sister told me he was looking for me during my uncle's wake my sister told me he was looking for me O.O what ? O.O and he was drunk XD haha . manila teenagers tsktsk so anyways . he was looking . good thing we were only there for a brief period of time . and so we left . but before doing so . we met some unexpected people XD my cousin . from the father side . and a family friend whom also lives here in cavite . so anyways its just me and mikee . well its normal . so anyways . we got to buy ballpen because of the national bookstore we saw XD so after that we said we would buy food at chowking . well we really did . and after doing so i feel like singing my favorite song again X.X well i dont like their chowfan anymore . and the service is very slow . gawdd ill go back to tokyo tokyo . even if there isnt any in molino . oh yeah . tita told us to go online because mama told us to . well we waited for them really . but they got online when tita got home . so . lets go to that . well one of my exes [wow exes] added me in facebook . and i like posted on his wall . and i really had a good conversation with him :] well it is kind of nice to know that friendship is always there even if you once broke each others faces XD joke . so anyways . here is a list of

LESSON LEARNED :

★ dont join something/someone if you dont really feel like you are needed . they will only use you [sometimes]

★ its healthy to look and talk with people from the past . like childhood friends and exes . you dont realize that you miss them :]

★ the future possibilities of marga's death are : x.x

• breast cancer [haha funny just ask me personally why XDD]

• ulcer [family thing ?]

• anything that has to do with the digestive system XDD

• or maybe anl accident XDD im so prone to those things XDD

and so i end this blog again . im too tierd to tell