somethings that will never change :]

ok so i think this would be my last blog post for march . haha . i want to blog about the title :) may it be old or new ;) bullet mode :)

★ my blogging addiction ♥♥
★ my color orange addiction
★ my all of a sudden science talk
★ my being a social introvert
★ my being a cry baby
★ my being reckless
★ my being random
★ my being open for something interesting
my being lazy *under construction for essential change*
★ my being a weirdo
*the return* of my lip biting habit
★ my being an accident prone within 2 mile radius
*new* my love for tangled :) ♥
★ my love for domo :) ♥
★ my love for frogs :)
★ my love for Spongebob :)
★ my love for iTouch loves
★ my love for MacBook Goddess
★ my love for chopsticks
★ my love for music ♥
★ my love for silence
★ my love for nature
★ my love for stars
★ my loathe for phones
★ my loathe for flying cockroaches x.x
★ my loathe for noise :|
★ my loathe for answering back
★ my love for Kathleen :)
★ my love for Arjone
★ my love for Wrenzo
★ my love for Anne
★ my love for Karyl
★ my love for Psalm
★ my love for Camille
★ my love for Pascal :)
★ my love for Harley
★ my love for him
lalala :)


smiles :)

ok yesterday was almost happy . i helped Winnie in coming to school yesterday . she isnt comfortable in commuting so i escorted her . well i feel more comfortable if i am to be the one to assist her . well she has been one of the most precious persons i have known in my life . i dont know why . i love taking care of rubiks :) and we got on a food trip . just me . Winnie . Alyssa Lim . and Pajee . just out of boredom . next thing we knew almost everyone was eating with us . anyway when we got back to the campus . the next thing that happened is that kathleen gave me a gift . an official doodle notebook :) but i feel like it would be the most precious notebook i will on on college . i will surely treasure that object :) and another gift was from geline bayongan . i really didnt expect it but it was an offical Lamarck t shirt :) that made me awe . Lamarck is really precious to me as well . but i still get the feeling im not very welcome anymore . or maybe i just need enlightenment ? i dont know . i still feel like they still dont like me . :| anyways thats ok . next thing i knew we had a thumbs up on our general practice :) our teachers finally liked our performance . i really dont know but i still think our batch is just really lazy when it comes to practices . but we still do our best when it comes to our finals or something . its always kinda like that . i am very proud of this batch . but still feel like i dont deserve to walk with them . they are so mighty to my eyes . like nothing can ever compare to how much they really are one of the best . i never even knew i was a part of it . i am such a mute ! dang it . i dont want to think about it anymore . after the practice i waited for karyl and arjone . well i didnt know what arjone was doing so i just waited for her . i wanted to spend another day with karyl . and i feel more comfortable crying on her shoulder . i really dont know why but out of all the people i told the story . she was the only person who really got me on my knees again and crying . well arjone made me laugh rather than making cry . anyways . i had a new friend en route . his name is Marc . i really dont know much about him . except the part where he is head over hells over Jamie . but thats not a hindrance for him to be my new friend right ? and lucky him . i was in the mood to treat everyone for ice cream . well half of it anyways . and im glad i actually got to do that . i dont want to save money for this summer anyways . its going to be a dull summer :)) thats fine . i dont want to spend money on ran online anymore . that just sucks . i want to spend money on ? . . . . nothing :) maybe on going out or something . maybe ? anyway i want to ask God's guidance for tomorrow . tomorrow is everyone's big day . and btw . today is the last day of my drama month . haha . memoirs of all the drama before college :) i just want to be happy now . i just want to be the marga who he once loved . and the marga who is worthy to be loved . i still dont know what to wish for but happiness :)

NP: Take my hand --TheCab



dull :|

i hope those would be the last tears i shed for something i dont own . well . i have to admit . i am not his . nor is he mine . God i feel like crying again :( well my eyes hurt . and i didnt even got to say what i wanted to say . who am i anyways ? dont dare to stupid . he is happy and satisfied with his life . dont be a hindrance stupid . he wont read your blog posts anymore . he doesnt care . he was only there a while ago to make you feel worse . he was only there to act like you do . damn it . i dont like him acting . dont i get an award ? damn it . he is always hell better than i do . why does it always have to be him ? and why the hell in the world did i allow him to see my eyes red ? damn you marga .




sadness . and all that shit

wtf this is my 5th post for march 28 . damn this day . i cried like 2 times today . and another 3 more with almost doing so . kuya Paulo made me cry again . couz i still feel like a hindrance to him . i dont want to waste his time on my drama . he has his own life . he doesnt need to make me happy couz i feel like i really am not . i am not the sister who helps him . it the other way around . im being too dependent too . i am really sorry . and i dont want to be a hindrance to you too kuya :( . but i still believe in what i told Portia today .

Some people only ask you: "What's the problem?" not because they care . but only to be informed of what is happening


Some times you have online friends to depend on . but not those people you see daily face to faceyou see them personally . but they have another online friend .
sadness still surrounds me .



damn me

ok so i feel bad . this is fcking annoying like go to hell marga . we thought your video would work . now what ? wtf ? we have to do another couz your fcking video wont work . they might not say it . but i know it runs on their minds right now . marga you have failed pascal once again :| you are fcking stupid marga . so is your video :| damn you marga to hell . agree ?

my mood changed from good to fcking wrong . this day sucks anyway . except marchele's birthday . damn you to hell marga



Things to learn . list :)

ok so i was thinking . of those things i want to do . regarding my mom i mean . i want to be multilingual . like her of course . here's a list of what i want to learn and what i know:

★ English (improve)
★ Japanese (learn more)
★ French
★ Tagalog (iMPROVE)
★ Italian
Alien *joke*
well its what i hope and what i really aim for . i really hope i would really do what i want to . and not just hope and dream about it . well i am doing my best to download lessons . and im guessing ill just go do self studies again . well i did learn a bit of the Japanese language when i was a sophomore right ? it was just a supplement for boredom before . but now i want to focus on learning it :) so i think *and hope* i can do it :) i know i can :) anyway i dont know if my mom ever wanted to learn one . but i seriously want to learn how to use instruments . blah blah here i go again . here's another list :)) :
★ Organ . here i go again
★ Guitar . i wish Ichan would help me :(
Drums . wtf ? :))
haha here i go again with these instruments :)) well its really not that bad right ? at least i learned a bit on all of these @.@ tsk . im freakin serious @.@ . i even enjoyed the drums a bit . tsk tsk . anyway i was just sharing . ill be back later i guess ? this net seriously needs a boost :| BL :)

BlogLater :)


not a nightmare but a bad dream

morning blog . ok so i know this is early and all that stuff . well i just got off from the bathroom and all . but i dreamt about him last night . ok so you're probably wondering . who in the world am i talking about couz i know i've been blogging about different persons . but its vince . i became a cry baby again . i just woke up and tears flooded my eyes . i dreamt about something not real . but one of the dreams i seriously wanted to fulfill with him . i forgot the name of the game but we got harnesses on our bodies and we were jumping all over the place . i seriously have to go now . i just want to lessen the redness of my eyes today .


my lovely online siblings :)

ok so i want to share . i am doing everything i can to download all podcasts . there is on which i subscribe . well out of 4 . i only got 1 complete ._. well the other 2 have like 3OO+ ._. and this one im downloading currently is full of videos . at least . there are only a few . but still . anyways . i want to share . just randomly a while ago during a conversation with portia . i suddenly want to fulfill everything my mom wanted to do but wasnt able to because of my birth . i want her to see herself in me or something . i want her to be happy and proud of me . i love her that much . anyway . i also want to share that i now have my 2 favorite online siblings :) twinnie and onii chan :) i really love them both :) and ive been spending awful lot of time with them and i dont freakin care :) i really enjoy their company :) btw we were just bored today and we just went playing around and gone hunting online :)) just a game . with hunting and all that stuff . i really would like to treasure them both . even if we dont know one another . i actually feel a lot more at ease when talking to them rather than to a person i meet almost everyday . im just sharing again . good night :)



status :))

ok so this is my supposedly status a while ago on facebook but . it has character limits and i freakin exceeded :))

`for graduation
Madison Nicole Manicdao:
i am but a small voice . i am but a small dream . to smile upon the sun . be free to dance and sing . be free to sing my song to everyone
Michaella Nicole Manicdao:
im that star up in the sky . im that mountain peak up high . hey, i made it . im the worlds greatest

`so nainggit ako . ako din :))
Margarette Nicole Manicdao:
we are the world . we are the children . we are the ones who make a brighter day . so let's start giving . there's a choice we're making . we're saving our own lives it's true we'll make a better day . just you and me
--takte pambata :))
well that was really funny :)) i have to blog off first . tsk tsk


annoyance and everything else

ok i am so sorii blog . ive been really bored lately and ive been entertaining myself . for ahm . i dont know . since wednesday ? i patched the new dragonica . well anyways ive got lots to blog i guess ? first . we had our baccalaureate mass last friday . and its awfully weird . i was almost late because of tangled AGAiN :)) is it my fault its my new favorite ? :) its my new background really :) a picture i saw from tumblr and i edited it :) and i now see them on the side of my screen everyday :) its so cute :) the things i see on my screen now are rapunzel . eugene . domo and distressed . some gadgets and some lyrics i like :) and icons ~.~ anyway im really weirded out . couz sometime after it we needed to have another practice for graduation . i feel like a baby ~.~ and its awfully annoying . well what annoyed me the most was the planned boycott . it was so selfish of them really ! its not like they were the only one who was shouted at . we all got shouted at . why the hell in the world are they selfish ? well we are then the ones who got MORE shouted at . and i really didnt want to talk to them . and even one of them had the nerve to like the status ? wtf ? that was so irritating ! anyways . at least we werent the only one who got shouted at . i feel bad for them . but i agree with sir . sir kinda didnt like what the mocc did . im not sure if they are prepared or anything like that but . i dont know . i dont have the right . well when bentz and his company did theirs they said they were one of the best . im not saying THE best . but ONE of the best . :) just clearing :) the boycott annoyed me a lot . they deserve their consequence . i think they deserve more .  except momii tellie i think she has a reason . i dont know the rest . grrrr need to stop that . anyway yesterday was annoying as well . well yesterday was the CAT graduation . what annoyed me is i woke up at 7.54 and what sucks is that the call time was 8.OO . i got there 8.3O something ? tita wasnt there . she didnt even bother sending me there . it was just annoying to even join the party after it . so i went home ahead . to my more annoyance tita didnt even realize i told her the night before about my graduation . wth ? she totally forgot about it when i woke up she like was on bed playing the ipad . so i just took a bath . i dont want to bother telling her anymore . after i took a bath and wore my cat uniform . i just saw her downstairs . about to drink a cup of coffee . so i didnt bother telling her . and then what ? i get a sermon i didnt tell her ? wtf ? i keep telling her . for the nth time ! so i seriously didnt help them in cleaning up after meal . so 2 days full of bvness . tsk tsk . anyway . at least i got dragonica sometime after those and its really entertaining me :) btw ran annoyed me last night . it was so log . anyway at least we got an e room . but i didnt get to enjoy ~.~ anyway im really sorii blog . those were just dull days . and really annoying as well . missed you :D

MargaLovesThisBlog :)



weird dream

i had a dream last night :"> it was so cute :D i was dreaming of a cute elmo and cookie monster stuffed toy . so after a while i got out to a mall . i was with a blank faced man . i dont know but our fingers were intertwined and that felt so good . but on his other side was a person . im not sure if male or female but their arms were locked together . we were walking blah blah until we saw the cute stuffed toys again . and he saw my longing eyes . and he almost dragged me just to buy me the toy as a gift . i was about to get domo for money and so but domo was left at a car we rode on or something so i also dragged myself out to a car park or something . unluckily i woke up . but my mind drifted away into sleep again . the next thing i knew i was dreaming 2 years ahead . i was dreaming of a debut or something . the debut i always wanted when i was a kid . sorry to say but i never dreamed my debut like those princesses and all that stuff . i always dreamed id be in a place like Palawan :D and that was so cute :D im not sure but i like saw a list or something . every Pascal was there :D ♥ i kinda saw in my dream as well someone else was going to have a debut . was it jerome ? but i dreamed vinni and yana were there :D i miss them a lot . its also in my dream it was a surprise birthday party . it was some kind of date at first and ended up as a debut . well whatever . it was just a dream . well at least i get to blog about a dream or something now :D anyway i blog about almost everything under the sun now :)) :D



Pascal is my Ohana :D ♥

ok so i really need to fulfill my promise . whatever i write . should be removed out of my system . i really need to get it off me . just to make me better or so . i want to be the marga i need to be . i dont need to bear problems i dont own . i need to blog happy posts to cover the dark ones . i need to show the world i am not sad . and i have got a happy blog :D couz i need to be now . i just realized that with pascal . well . i cried a lot yesterday . i cried more a few hours ago . that was like a lot . i actually didnt know we were going to have a crying session after the party . i didnt even have a handkerchief to cry on O.o so i wasnt really prepared . well . i really didnt prepare much on this event actually . i just wore my pascal shirt . the shorts tita hates seeing me wear . and my favorite pair or striking shoes . i was really doing my best in not showing the fact i was crying almost all night . and almost didnt eat as well . i was wearing a mask . like my childhood favorite song . reflection by Christina Aguilera :)) but at least . these tears were very different . they were tears of appreciation and love . i really feel like . they filled holes on my heart . they are like a family to me . i really love them . i dont know if they'd be able to read this or anything . but i remembered what lilo said to stitch .

Ohana means family . family means no one gets left behind
i totally didnt share that in class . couz that was just my mind working :)) well i hope everything we said would be really treasured . i really love the fact that we really enjoyed the company of one another . and i wouldnt want to miss a chance to see their dreams come true . and make everything they want be fulfilled . just like everything else they said . im ending this blog with a smile :D

My ohana :)



who am i ?

i have all the reasons in the world to be freakin depressed . here's a list

★ i am a freakin love child
★ i am a mistake
★ i look different from my sisters
★ i look horrible
★ i am ugly
★ i am a waste
★ i dont have parents coming over for my graduation
★ i am not an awardee
★ i am stupid
★ i dont even deserve to graduate
★ i dont deserve to be in DLA
★ i am a freakin cry baby
★ i was lied on .
★ i dont deserve requests
★ i dont have a best friend
★ nobody wants me
★ nobody needs me
nobody loves me
who am i anyways ? to ask for goodness when i am nothing but evil . i was born as a mistake . i dont want to be a hindrance anymore . maybe after graduation ? just to give them at least a certificate before i go .

edit :

now will you look at that . someone just agreed . tita did . lets add more bullets

★ "tanga"
★ "inutil"
★ more stupid
★ more swear words
★ insert swear word here
★ and more here
★ and so on
its like the taste of bitterness on your face on the evening before going to sleep . i 


im fucking fed up

one more post . i need to get tears off my eyes before tita goes home . fucking facebook . i deactivated my account . cant they just say yes and get a move on it ? masaya na sya hindi nya pa ako mapagbigyan ? i wont use plurk and facebook anymore . i just realized . i have been looking stupid for a half a year already based on what he said . pretending to use infatuation over everything . thanks


:| again

To you again .
Will you PLEASE stop making me wish for nothing . couz you are an impossible dream . so just shut the hell up and stop making me wish for you more . WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME ? you are freakin happy now . you said so yourself . I'LL MOVE ON NOW . so what are you doing earlier pm-ing me ? like wth ? if you arent a bitch . stop acting like one . im fed up being honest . why in the world of all the people did it have to be i get to be honest with ? why in the world cant i do it to other persons ? why in the world ? why do i have to constantly shed a tear for you . block me please . i just . cant bear it . be happy . live without me . i dont need to see your happy posts . i dont need to be your friend . you have other deserving friends . im not gonna be an enemy or something . i just need to be a stranger . 


more drama

ok this day sucks . i mean . totally hopeless . well lets go bullet i guess ? ~.~

★ i woke up home alone with bloo
★ my sister with her boyfriend all day .
★ and im like all alone here
★ no breakfast . no lunch before going to school
★ cat grad practice
★ no gala
★ home alone again .
★ stupid wifi needed fixing
★ plurk is freakin defective
★ kathleen is so not helping me move on
★ depressed like hell
★ frekin noodles again
★ over cooked rice .
★ my sister got home with Marco again
★ no cw . on a freakin saturday
★ bored like hell .
★ a bitch talked to me again .
★ why wont the bitch be contented with his girl friend ?
★ a friend not helping
well the bitch made my day worse and i want to curse him for that . well at least i watched tangled an hour ago and that made me a bit better than before . but one last share before i go to sleep . well before Marco left . we like shocked one another and that got me breathless . well we did scare one another back there . and we looked weird . anyway im off . ill let my downloads go overnight while i go to sleep now . oh just now . i decided to learn a new language . its not new . but i just want to learn it now . its french well

À bientôt adieu! :D




here i am . still on my cat tshirt on . hungry as the acids on my stomach consume me . and no one else on this house except me . haha this is boring . and freakin scary . i am alone once again with bloo . i named her . but not her grandmother . anyway . i am now eating noodles . i dont bother telling if im afk . rawr anyway . today is boring unlike the 3 days before it . well except the part winnie and i went to SLEX :)) it was cute to see her happy again :D well she is still kind of down because of not making it to the honor roll or something . i really dont like seeing her upset and all that stuff . anyways the practice for cat is seriously boring because of the singing . but i guess its ok . id rather practice now than not know what to do next week . id look stupid . anyway i still dont feel like graduating . its still sad my parents aren't here to celebrate with me . and that sucks :| anyway speaking of graduation . i just wanna share about graduation gifts and all that stuff . i wanna share what my dad suggests for a graduation gift which i would . i guess receive on july .

my dad's suggestion:

★ a new macbook goddess .
★ an ipad 2
but what i want *or* need:
★ a battery for macbook goddess rather than a new one
★ not sure about the ipad 2
★ beats by dre
★ new clothes for mapua couz it doesnt have a freakin uniform :|
★ domo bag
★ a proper dentist appointment
★ make myself not miss kathleen
★ achieve self actualization

most probably out of all the things i want . only domo could be possible :)) if you were to notice the 1, 2 and 3 are actually expensive . the clothes and the dentist appointment are very weird gifts to ask for . and the last 2 cannot be gifts and i just realized they were wishes with no hopes of being achieved . tsk

ok so i just noticed . March totally has the most drama this year i guess . haha this will be my 19th post for March and almost every post have different subjects . haha this is so weird . anyway . more drama to come . not the scaring Ichan Orcino type again :)) haha epic :D well . it may be because i am about to graduate or so ? that'll be sad . but whenever something ends . another starts :D ♥



Pascal :D ♥

happy 1OOth post :D yehey :D anyway . i can say again another one of the best days of senior year :D i didnt know my 1OOth post would be for Pascal . well my 99th was for Curie . which i didnt expect as well . well at first i was thinking it was another one of those usual dramas and all that bitchy stuff . but i really enjoyed this day . hearing all their insights and laughing when knowing one of your classmates are being tricked and all that stuff . well i really wasnt expecting i would join them and i just told myself going with them would be better than being home alone . so i decided to join them and i feel like its good i followed this feeling than worrying over somethings i really dont need to worry about . and i dont have regrets . i even found out a lot of things i only once sensed . at least we got to know and shared again each other's insights . a small open forum on little things and sharing of some petty stories and some serious ones as well . well i cant blog about them couz Judh was with us as well and i dont want to let his story out . i am still not over his stories . . . . anyway . before coming to Ichan's crib . some other Pascal's who werent coming . joined us in eating rice congee (lugaw) well at first i really didnt want to eat as well but i joined in just for a change and for some weird fact . i enjoyed the meal :D . its my first time to eat rice congee and i successfully liked it :D well maybe i was just too afraid of how it would taste like couz before people used to serve it in a very unsanitary manner . so i once decided to not eat such thing . and so my first time to eat such thing was really all from pascal's influence :)) anyway when we finished eating . people who were really coming to Ichan's crib came to where we were and some of them ate as well . but some of them had to go to Ichan's house ahead . well i didnt realize . while they were eating . we were actually waiting for Judh . when he came he was welcome as usual to come with us :D anyway we split up again during the jeepney drive and all that stuff . when we got to Mary Homes we walked our way to Ichan's house . en route a shadow emerged . O.o :)) joke it was Polk and i gotta tell you . they looked like they saw a ghost . especially ate yanna :)) she almost jumped :)) you would think it was cute if she wasnt hiding behind tim's back :)) well it scared Roscoe more couz it was him Polk sticked to . it was almost coincidental that Polk stuck on Roscoe on the side where his pocket's phone is . so when he left they decided to make a joke that Polk snatched Roscoe's phone . so they decided chela borrowed his phone on the jeep . and i be the one to hide his phone :)) it was really funny really . Pascal can actually have its own drama club :)) but i gotta share . Pajee, Aerold and Ichan actually got tricked :)) its funny also how they looked like :)) epic :)) btw i really love Ichan's dog :D ♥ so cute :D and it likes me too :)) and it hates Aerold btw :)) considering Aerold lives near that place :)) . well speaking of Ichan's dog another trick came up when Ichan's dog scratched Chela's foot . Ichan's face looked more afraid :)) but he knew better than be tricked . but Chela's foot did hurt because of the scratch . after that we like ate Pajee's blow out :)) and Judh shared :D lalala :)) some left early . and after that we shared some more and it feels like we need to share more stories but again time is still on the run .

well for 3 days . ive been out of this house a lot and i felt like . i really wasnt out of place . i just needed to open my self a bit more couz they already accept me as i am and i love them and im gonna miss them . i love batch '11 :D ♥ best batch evah :D ♥

`Marga :D



Curie :3 ♥

Curie made my day :D that was so fun :D i really missed them and all that stuff . well i was late and that was funny . i forgot i already asked for tita's permission . so i went home to ask for her permission again and when i got here she like said . "Bakit ka pa umuwi ?! Sana dumeretxo ka na lang dun" :)) that was so epic and funny :)) so anyway . when i got there . a lot of people was there :D that was so cute :D and i thought i wouldnt be welcome or something . i thought i was just gonna stay in a corner again . and do nothing . well . i kinda felt more comfortable with them . well maybe i was really just a bit afraid . too self conscious ? we played like kids again :D . and i felt a lot different . like we were the same kids on 4O1 room . like all of the stress of being a senior didnt matter :D . they are still the best persons to take away stress :D i miss blogging long stuff about them . but i really didnt post all of them before . i must have deleted them before . bummer . they heard bentz sing again (i do a lot) . haha . couz most of them were laughing . at him . i guess going home was a wrong decision . time is really what we need i guess . i missed a lot of it .

Highway Praxidice :))


dependency :"|

sometimes i wonder . if im really a someone to her . dont i basically have the right to get at least annoyed once in a while ? dont i get the chance to cool off from her striking words ? i always feel like she is far more strict than my mom . my mom lets me do anything i want . she lets me have everything i want . she can be both . but she is now very limiting me from the new things i want . dont i get a chance to change again ? dont i get to change ? couz basically she will leave and ill be no where near me . me and my drama again . i need space . i need to adjust . she knows how much i am dependent and how much i suck when i dont have a host ? i wont have any by july so i basically need to adjust not being with her couz she wont be there for me anymore . i hate myself . i hate being dependent . im a loser

``freak :|



different streak of weird

today is worth blogging :D well today is kinda different from the days beforehand because we are given the privelage of having a half day :D yay :D anyway since today we only get to have half day its worth comparing it from the day before . well yesterday . expectations were not met . and i got my heart broken yesterday because i was expecting to get 2 signatures of 2 persons i really yet i didnt get one :| thats totally depressing . well i did got signed . library :| but that doesnt count i guess . thats different . i totally felt like i wasted that day for leaving a notebook and a powerpoint presentation at home . hopeless :| so yesterday i really wasnt in the mood for practice whatsoever . my singing sucked . i really hate singing when i feel like i didnt do anything worthwhile . i know i waste a lot of time and all that stuff but i know what my limits are . i know i like wasting time . but i seriously dont like wasting efforts . i realize that now couz basically ive been like that . luckily sir JR finally signed my clearance . its like i really didnt want to let go of my smile when i finally saw his signature on my clearance :D its almost like all else was nothing compared to physics . that will be my last tear for that subject this school year . after math . everything will fall into place :D but i still dont know if id graduate . i still fear i didnt do my best in everything and that i will fail . and i seriously dont know what i am . who i am . and what im supposed to do . i really dont know . i really still dont trust myself . anyway . since today is half day . we get a day off from graduation practices . thats like so cool . couz i dont get to hear "jokes" anymore . tsk . ive been hearing that word and working on my weird laugh . my classmates missed that laugh :)) joke . anyway they decided differently O.o so i really dont know who to be with after we eat . anyway i really didnt expect to be with them . and it kinda made me happy to be with them :D i really like that they shared a lot to me . and they really like to do a lot of crazy things as well . its kinda cute to look at them since they are a whole group and i look like a freak when i an weird all by myself . well maybe i am a real freak . i am maybe . 




ok so this day could get worse right ? i got him angry at me . and he is not online for me to beg of forgiveness . so ill just suck my sins for now . anyway i am really evil for doing that i guess . i never knew he was anti any of those . he used to not care couz i never really used to cursing

To you,
i just got that out of my surroundings and i changed a lot since ive been alone . i have been alone and sucking at it . ok so im sorii . please forgive me :| i know it sounds strange and all but i already told you . living without you is like hell . and i know its my fault and ive been living in this hell i made for myself . i know i dont deserve you . i know i cant live on my own . i really dont see a future anymore since you left . i really didnt want you to . well duh you were my future . its just i felt . its best for you . i dont deserve you . i dont believe in what you said about you not being boyfriend ideal couz you are the perfect guy who ruled my world . i still keep crying at night for you . i still treasure every gift you gave me . except the ones i've lost when we were still together . i know you still hate me for all the mistreating ive done . you seriously dont deserve to have to be with someone like me . im just blogging to seriously get this load off me couz no one really does listen to me when i talk about you . i am so tired of pretending to like someone else . why would you even think of such a thing ? you are one of those who believed . i cant believe you . i tried to believe as well . but it felt pointless . you know how i hate not telling the truth and how weird i become when i dont . i need to cut this . i feel like crying again . im sorrii . good night . i still love you



Dear Pascal

Trip ko po mag drama kaya pasenxa :)) Gusto ko magpasalamat sa taong ito dahil ito ang pinaka masayang school year ko bilang high school student . Wala na ata tatalo :D Maraming salamat sa pag tanggap sakin . kahit alam ko na weirdo ako . salamat kasi naramdaman ko na parang may uuwian akong bahay sa dulo ng high school building ng DLA (sabi ni Camille :]] ) . Salamat sa super daming memories :D bullets mode :))

★ Naalala ko tuloy yung first day O.o na late ako ng bongga :)) 1/4 day lang pasok ko :)) hindi alam ni tita na first day ko kaya hindi nya ako ginising :))
★ Sunod na araw naman first day kasama ang subject teachers . yung time na sinindak tayo ni Sir Erbert :)) tapos akala nya super matatakot tayo sa kanya
★ Party Pascal Vs ASAP XV ang memorable din nun :D
★ Filipino Day :D wait birthday ko din yun diba ? O.o salamat sa masayang araw :D umiyak ako the day before ee . pinagalitan pa ako ni ate yanna :))
★ Yung birthday ni Winnie . uhm yeah :)
★ wala na ako maalala nung october O.o
★ Sembreak
★ Yung El fili sa Southmall . kaso hiwalay hiwalay tayo nun ee :|
★ Galiscal Retreat :D
★ Birthday ni Teacher Lan :D super blooming si cher :")
★ Christmas Party :D lahat tayo sumayaw kasi sabi ni Teacher Lan
★ Christmas Vacation
★ Balik sa school tapos practice kaagad para sa prom
★ Palaro week :D 1st place sa tamaang tao girls :D haha :D
★ 'Di ba dapat last dance natin yung buffet table ? pero lahat naman tayo sumayaw sa Prom :P
Sobrang salamat sa lahat . :D pwede nyo na ako kalimutan :)) ang drama ko kasi :)) na tripan ko lang mag drama katulad nung iba . wala matino magawa ee :)) Wag kayo masyado mag pamiss aa :D mahirap yan :D

Mahal ko kayo :D



i need to self actualize again

depression + boredom + procrastination = total human life wreckage .
it makes my head spin worse . this depression and boredom i mean . i am really depressed as well so i am committing suicide procrastination . i feel sick . i feel like crying again . maybe i should do so . its not like someone else will comfort me now . i am all alone in my world now . my best friend will leave me . a heartache just met me . no one will love me :| i seriously need to self actualize again . i need someone to be with :(


i love God . i love Blogger

i thought tumblr was a place for smart people ? why am i seeing these posts ? If God wants it now it will happen . And you guys believe a superstition ? Well I for one believe in God . I will remain faithful and your 2012 superstition will not happen . that is what I believe in . God will spare me 2013 . He will let me fulfill my promise . He will let me say yes to the guy who promised to wait for me . God will let me go to college and finish it . I wont let a superstition stop me . God loves me . God loves YOU . If you believe in him . Don’t let 2012 happen . he just needs your attention . Pray and let your voice be heard .Libya, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, Yemen, New Zealand, Mexico, Japan, Taiwan, Indonesia, Philippines, and everywhere else in the world is in peril . We need to support and love one another . let's pray for each other's safety . we all need him . we need to come back to him .

I'm guessing not everyone in tumblr is all that . ill just stay here in blogger where I feel more people like myself belong . Im guessing staying there isnt my thing . maybe I am a loser and I accept wholeheartedly

they say that place is for cool people . well I say this place is for the literate .




reader i beg of you reveal yourself :|

at least leave a message on my conversation page :|


Lucia Reveals the 3rd Secret of Fatima.

i just want to share this couz i feel like this is real and i believe . and i trust and love God so i will re post this on blogger rather than fb so it can spread as well here :D lets keep our loving God :D he will always on us so let us never forget about him . let's follow his will and everything else will follow 


The Church has given permission to reveal to the people the last part of the message. The Blessed Virgin appeared to three children in Fatima , Portugal, in 1917, this is a proven fact; one of these children is still alive, her name is Lucia, she is a cloistered nun and lives in a monastery in Portugal.

Lucia disclosed the message for the first time to Pope Pius XII whom, after reading it, he sealed it and stored away without making it public. Later Pope John XXIII read it and, in the same manner as his predecessor, he kept it out of the public eye because he knew that once revealed; it will bring desperation and panic to human kind.

Now the time has come, and permission has been granted from Pope John Paul II to reveal it to the children of God, in order not to create panic but to make people aware of this important message so everybody can be prepared. The Virgin told Lucia: “Go my child and tell the world; what will come to pass during the 1950′s – 2000′s. Men are not practicing the Commandments that our Father has given us. Evil is governing the world and is harvesting hate and resentment all over. Men will fabricate mortal weapons that will destroy the world in minutes, half of the human race will be destroyed, the war will begin against Rome , and there will be conflicts amongst religious orders.

God will allow all natural phenomenon’s like smoke, hail, cold, water, fire, floods, earthquakes, winds and inclement weather to slowly batter the planet. These things will come to pass before the year 2010. “Those who won’t believe, this is the time,” your beloved mother told you, “those lacking charity towards others and those who do not love thy neighbor like my beloved Son has loved you, all, cannot survive. They will wish to have died, millions are unimaginable, they will come, and there is no doubt our Lord God will punish severely those who do not believe in him, those who despise him and those who did not have time for him I call upon all of you to come to my son Jesus Christ, God helps the world but all of those who do not show fidelity and loyalty will be destroyed.”

Father Agustin, who lives in Fatima, said that Pope Paul VI gave him permission to visit sister Lucia who is a cloistered nun (she does not leave the monastery nor is allowed to receive any visitors). Father Augustin said that she received him greatly overwhelmed and told him: “Father, our lady is very sad because nobody is interested in her prophecy of 1917, though the righteous are walking through a narrow path, the evil ones are walking through an ample road that is leading them straight to their destruction, believe me father, the punishment will come very soon.”

Many souls will be lost; many nations will disappear from the earth. But, in the middle of all these, if men reflect, pray and practice good deeds, the world can be saved. One of all these, if men persist with its evil, the world will be lost forever. The time has come for all to pass on the message of our Blessed Lady to their families, friends, and to the entire world.

Start praying, to make penitence and sacrifices. We are at the last minute of the last day and the catastrophes are near. Due to this, many that were far from the church will return to the open arms of the Church of Jesus Christ . The joining of the churches will result in one Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church ; England , Russia , China , Jews, Muslims and Protestants. All will return believing and worshiping God our creator, in his beloved Son and in our Blessed Mother Virgin Mary”. WHAT AWAITS US??? Every where there will be “Peace Talks”, but punishment will come.



This war will destroy everything, darkness will fall over us for 72 hours (three days) and the one third of humanity that survives this obscurity and sacrifice, will commence to live a new era, they will be good people.

In a very cold night, 10 minutes before midnight, A GREAT QUAKE will shake the earth for 8 hours. This will be the third signal that God is who governs the earth. The righteous and those who propagate the faith and the message of the Lady of Fatima SHOULD NOT FEAR, DO NOT BE AFRAID.


Bow your heads, kneel down and ask God for forgiveness because, only what is good and is not under the power of evil will survive the catastrophe.

In order for you to prepare and remain alive I will give you the following signs: ANGUISH….. … AND IN A SHORT PERIOD THE EARTH QUAKE WILL COMMENCE… THE EARTH WILL SHAKE….The shake will be so violent that will move the earth 23 degrees and it will return it to its normal position.

Then, total and absolute darkness will cover the entire planet… All evil spirits will be mingling around and free, doing harm to all those souls that did not want to listen to this message and those who did not want to repent. To the faithful souls, remember to light the blessed candles, prepare a sacred altar with a crucifix in order to communicate with GOD and implore for His infinite mercy….

All will be dark; IN THE SKY A GREAT MYSTIC CROSS will appear to remind us the price that his beloved Son had to pay for our redemption.. .In the house the only thing that can give light will be the HOLY CANDLES… Once lit, nothing will put them off until the three days of darkness are over. Also, you should have Holy water that should be sprinkled abundantly on windows and doors. The Lord will protect the property of the chosen ones..

Kneel down before the powerful cross of my beloved Son, pray the Rosary and after each Hail Mary you must pray the following: “Oh God forgive us our sins, preserve us from the fire of hell, take all souls to heaven, specially those who are in more need of they mercy. Blessed Virgin Mary protect us, we love you, save us and save the world”. Pray 5 Creeds and Rosary which is the secret to my Immaculate Heart. All those who believe in my words go and take the message to everyone.


Talk to all the souls. now that there is time, those who keep quiet will be responsible for all those souls who will perish in ignorance.

All those who pray humbly the rosary will have the protection of heaven and those who are bound to die I will help them die in peace and they will be holy when they enter the other world. I wish all my children to attend mass every first Friday and every first Saturday of each month, to confess and receive Holy Communion and in doing so, save the world from its TOTAL DESTRUCTION.

WHEN the earth shakes no more, those who still not believe in our Lord will perish in a horrible way. The wind will bring gas and it will disperse it everywhere, then the sun will rise. Maybe you will survive this catastrophe.

Do not forget that God’s punishment is holy and ONCE IT HAS STARTED YOU SHOULD NOT LOOK OUTSIDE, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE, GOD DOES NOT WANT ANY OF HIS CHILDREN TO SEE WHEN HE PUNISHES THE SINNERS…. All this encompasses with the writings of the Holy Scriptures..

Read on the New Testament: Luke: 21 – 5:121, 12:19 , 20:20 , 29:33 Letters of St Paul 3 – 8 – 14 Isaiah 40, 1:5:9. You must understand that God allows all this to happen. The Pope and Bishops are now awaiting another message that speaks about repentance and prayer. Remember that Gods words are not a threat, but good news…

Please reproduce these pages and send them to all you know so we all can have the opportunity to repent and be saved. We do not know if those receiving this message believe or not in GOD, but think that if you are receiving this message is for a reason!! Maybe the Creator is giving us the chance to be saved, no matter what religion or creed.

If you don’t believe in this message at least send it to others, it costs you nothing. To all those receiving it, they can have the opportunity to judge for themselves. Remember, we can avoid a great deal if we practice the Commandments that our Father God left us. These are 10 simple things, that if we all put in practice we can obtain God’s pardon.



haha this is so freakin funny . i just wanna share well this is almost as if a self centered post . i just saw it randomly on someone else's blog . it was because of the template or something . but look at it . discrimination to ie . you basically used to use that jurassic stuff ie . all browsers have their own pros and cons fyi . and did the creator even credited mac users like myself ? the "x" button can be found on my top left screen . tch funny . creator should really be considerate . this is just so overrated . im not a hater . i didnt view who the creator was . just so you know . im just stating my observation and your lack of consideration .

is this really the kind of post i do when depression consumes me ? O.o



faux fantasies

depression takes over . he said he will now move on . he said its time i let go . he said that i should go first . yet now he asks my permission . he will now move on . he said . he only misses some things . like the things he does to almost everyone else . he wont seriously miss me . he is just telling that to make me feel better . i cant do anything else . but to let tears fall on my eyes and hide from everyone else . it doesn't matter . its my fault anyways . who am i anyways ? like what i always say . i am nothing but a speck in his memories . i am an insignificant part of his past . my heart hurts thinking about him . i cant use someone else . yet he advised me to do so . and it hurts couz i feel like i need someone to support me . and it hurts thinking that he can never look out for me anymore . no one can ever look out for me now . my best friend will go to dlsu dasma . and i will just accept and let her do what she wants . even my false dreams about jerome sutacio did not take over . its like all my faux chimera didn't  stop all the hurt that i received . nothing can make me feel better now . its not like jerome is the type where i can cry all day . or maybe he is really just a stranger who comes to like me and would leave me after knowing some of my stories . i may tell a lot . but not everything . tears fall . not look into other's eyes . i feel more stupid . crying constantly at the same person whom i vowed never to . idiotic right ?

well here i am . crying . not only for japan . but for the hurt i feel . i want to let to . i want to move forward . yet my heart wont let me . will i use another person . just to make me forget ? 



Physics :D

hey blog ! i just passed physics ! BEST DAY EVER XD haha this feeling again . this is so weird . and so fun :D my God :D thank you :D and btw this is a late blog because . i just finished my project in computer . well its a group  project yet i still do it for them . anyway i get the feeling i will hate this week as well . still no jerome . and i guess he will leave me now after this week . there is no sweet in fvcking good bye . btw we now have graduation practices . that sucks . we will waste our time doing a pointless thing over and over again . like the prom . who knows if my reaction of the previous event and of this event would be the same . tsk . that is so weird . anyway . tomorrow we will go off to the avr again tsk . this is the last . i hope . that we transfer to a different classroom due to some freakin test we dont belong to . i need to keep the GV of physics . thank you God . this is all from your grace :D good night God . im sleepy




today is the day . my heart got broken

wtf that was a joke . love and heartaches most of the time are together at times you most dont expect it right ? well thats what i didnt like what i did actually . i expected . i was so happy and so proud . i really feel like . we won on our own right . we won each other's hearts :D well at first today i was really very bv . and i felt bad at them for not appreciating each other's efforts . i for one have multiple roles and dont notice everything ive been doing for them . even if i only joined saturday's practice . i showered them all my efforts in learning everything overnight and assisting them with the production . if i were there from the start . my ideas would be there a lot . i am all about sharing ideas and all that stuff . but i also got used to rejection . i know people wouldnt like my mind anyways . even if i share . well after all the hard work . even if we didnt win . we just gave our best to not let our dearest adviser down . i really dont like the feeling of not making her happy . i just feel like . my best is not enough . or . its just not our time . we just need to wait :D



4-sided situation

procrastinating once again . tsk i am so weird and i am so not in the mood to do anything . btw i have been so weird as well to help my sister color the coloring book i bought with her . haha i am so evil that instead of doing my project i go and help my sister with her coloring book . thats a real

haha that is so me . how dare i ? ~.~ btw i have learned how to use 2 different rubik's cube in a 3 day span . i am so proud of myself :D its a V4 cube and a mirror cube :D well the mirror cube is a v3 cube as well . but judging from its appearance . it really makes the person completing it really confused . well . i am happy :D i now know how to complete:

★ Pocket Cube
★ Rubik's Cube
★ Rubik's Revenge
★ Mirror Cube
cute right ? x] it really is very fulfilling :D oh i wanna share new things i wanna learn as well :D its still a cube ~.~

★ Professor's Cube
★ V6
that would be so cool @.@ to know how to play with every cube but im guessing ill slow down now . with all of that on my head . and all that stuff to memorize . well it is not working with me not having a cube myself . anyway . ill just spend my money on cubes again . tsk at least i get to enjoy :D but the thing is . i have to choose between buying .
★ A set of new books
★ a pair of socks . that FiT !
★ A new watch to pair with him :3
★ or those cubes
wow my heart is so ripped up again :| cant decide . obviously . still marga here :| wow this is the blog has the most blockquote in it . haha tsk . this looks really weird with all the codes getting messed up . blogger is sooo sticky ~.~ anyway ill play the mirror cube again . couz really weird . :D

Ciao ;]



jerome ? O.o

i wonder what he tastes like . damn . if it weren't for wrenzo biting him earlier . that thought wouldn't linger on my mind . dang . its so weird . anyway . today is a very weird day anyways . well this week . today is the only time i get to talk to that guy for 2 times . dang . for the past few days ive been annoying myself couz i basically dont have a chance and . i dont have the right x] to talk to him . which is very evil i say . tsk . its been driving me nuts . anyway . its a god given day . yet . i have too many stories to tell . and the god given time is still limited . yet im still thankful :D at least it was him i still i feel comfortable saying my weird stories again . and he still listens no matter how stupid i look like . anyways . i still feel a lot uncertain . even with the knowledge he would do a lot for me . couz basically im not sure if he'd do everything i want from him . well you know how i am . i tend to get dependent blah blah . i get everything i want . i want everything i can have . but and even if i dont want to . i get tired of things easily if i dont get too exited of it . damn it im a brat :| i even annoy myself to hell . i really dont know what to do now . i get the feeling he doesn't want to have proper communication after graduation . he will forget about me . i am widely forgettable and highly foolish . i dont know what to believe . oh yeah . i got too preoccupied with him and forgot to share . today was the last day of periodical tests . *depression* well . i still cant help it . i still feel like this year is not enough . i knew another person that makes me laugh a lot . and i just knew him for about 3 month time . and i do feel like i am still a stranger . who am i anyways ? im just a girl who told him a lot of secrets and a lot of things i dont expect to even share . wth . he doesnt ask yet i find myself in a situation sharing things very me . its like im pouring a marga on a glass of him . its really weird . i used to do that to people who ive known for a long time . but for him . i guess . he just got my trust and got everything else with it . everything except assurance . he has to provide that i guess . i cant get that . the part where a guy has to do a lot for you and you cant do anything in return . they just give you almost everything and all he asks in return is a smile .  is it me or just are more masochistic than so i call myself ? hmmmmm . thats not pain i realize . yet i still feel like girls are still responsible of returning equal favors . and not just your sweetest smile . dont you feel like i have a lot of loans or something ? couz i would feel like that . i did . tsk :| anyway i HOPE he proves me wrong . i really hope...



ncae O.o

ok so i have to admit . when people star praising me . i feel more like they are lying than what they are telling me is true . i cant deny but i feel really shy >.< i feel like i dont deserve to be praised . rawr . i guess . i feel like not all people are not genuine . and i feel also like im not :| who am i ? weirdo . btw the ncae results just got out . here is a preview of it.

General Scholastic Aptitude
Scientific Ability                                    76
Reading Comprehension                       95
Verbal Ability                                        85
Mathematical Ability                           
 98 O.o
Overall GSA                                          95

Technical-Vocational Aptitude

Clerical Ability                                       54
Visual Manipulative                             
Overall TVA                                          64

NonVerbal Ability                                   63

Logical Reasoning                                  94

Entrepreneurial Skill
Planning & Decision Making                82
Budgeting, Marketing & Forecasting   22  :)) =))

Creativity                                              89 
Overall ES                                             61

anyway i have to go no . ill be back later . i have to meet someone :D

--distressed :|



adventitious .

ok so i am still an epic fail . but editing my blog was fun . at least i did something that made sense . anyway . i still feel incomplete . i want to do a lot of things yet i still feel hindered by an invisible force field . and its freakin not magnetic ~.~ i am guessing my head is currently not over princess diaries yet . i seriously want to finish the whole set now . well . michael moscovitz is kinda interesting . haha . i am compelled i guess . i never encountered a michael moscovitz scenario before *senior-freshmen relationship* but i do know it does happen . i guess its kinda normal to the american society . well my reading books and watching movies show me a lot of those anyways . but here in the phils ? its kinda not normal . so as to say . filipinos are more of the same age line . that is based on my observations . well i have encountered once an unlikely couple . a 25 year old guy and an 18 year old gal . its kinda weird . i guess its out of custom . yet its acceptable by law . i guess i really should stick to teenage drama genre . its weird reading about old people when your mind is totally on being a kid . im totally gonna miss this . all this free time i guess . ill be on being busy next year . im not sure . at least im expecting to get a lot of work overload on my desk . i do that now . i will do that as well next year . i have a right to prognosticate ~.~ deal with it ~.~ btw i miss having practices . i dont need to worry i guess . couz we have a new one next week . but its different . wait . its different . but i think they have something in common . im just guessing . i used to think that . i would hate practicing for prom because i'd hate the said event . but to my unfortunate expectation . its one of the best nights i had on my life . but i think this is a lot different . after this event . there would be nothing after it . our very close and whole batch is about to disperse into other colleges . we are about to let go of one another and move on . i seriously think moving on is the hardest part . im just guessing . it would not come as well . well i could . couz i dont feel like i belong anyways . but they would always feel like something is missing . they need one another anyways . im guessing ill be living on my own next year . i will be a stranger to everyone else next year . *grr here comes the drama again* . at least now i dont get to spend 1O hours in a single room pretending to like every person in the room . well im just being defensive . they dont like me . so ill try my best to not be on their way . i am what people say i am . i am an introvert and like it that way . i am kinda starting to let go of them now . well i dont have a group for physics and i wont have any anymore . i dont want to do the seatwork anymore . they dont care about me . so i will try my best to not let the hurt show anymore . what really hurt is not the part where i dont have a seatwork . what hurts most is the part where they dont bother to ask me if i have a group or not . i will just leave tomorrow a lot earlier than they will . god i am procrastinating again :| i dont want to bother . i want to have time for myself i guess . at least i dont always feel too loser when i spend my time here . i wish blogger can let me know who my viewers are ~.~ just thought of it all of a sudden . i wonder . when will my father have his foot on the country again ? its march 1 and he hasn't told me anything . i just wish he wouldn't surprise me ~.~ that'd be a bummer :| your dad all of a sudden rushing to see you without any idea he'd be coming . anyways . i hate this week i guess . i am sluggishly tired . and we had only half of the day . btw i will share . we had 3 tests today . and i slept on all of them . that is how freakishly tired i am . and i was dreaming like a weirdo alien . and they told me i was smiling on my sleep again ~.~ that happened before during physics and labs told me i looked like an angel . wait . how the hell in the world does an alien look like an angel ? freakin camouflage ? haha dang x] speaking of sleep im becoming sleepy again . haha . and i still havent accomplished anything . thats fine . NOT . tomorrow will be the test on physics ~.~ well i guess *hope* i will pass this exam . haha or else i shall weep again for physics . haha . whatever happens . i always weep for physics . some just dont notice . i weep a lot for it . i never really imagined myself weeping for a subject concerning science . maybe arithmetic . but i dont suck as much as i do with physics . wait ! i did weep for analytic geom sometime before prom as far as i can remember . i constantly keep failing . yet i understand each concept . its like my mind is deceived . i keep thinking if ive gone too stupid to fail and not graduate and not go to college and not go old and not have a family someday . man . i really should stop being too ridiculous . i feel a lot foolish . i need your attention . attention needed ~.~ yet he doesnt understand . he doesnt give me too much . he just gives me whenever he has a chance . well next year he wouldnt have any anymore . im giving him all of my attention . but he doesnt know me when im not at school or anything . like what i said earlier . i am a stranger outside the walls of our school . im guessing 2 years wouldnt happen . i should stop daydreaming by now . anyways . itouch loves is still singing paramore . like wow . since i started blogging hayley has been sining . untill now she is still isnt tired . i didnt know she had that too much song to sing . and the fact that not all her songs are here . weird ~.~ anyways i dont like hayley anymore ~.~ only harley x] well i still feel like she is too bitter to keep paramore as it was . everything has changed for them . anyway i am going back to loving my old favorite singers . like alanis moristte and natasha bedingfield . it makes me remember ma dear . i really love singing with her those songs . i still wish it was her coming here to the phils . i really miss being with her . and everything we used to do together . i really wish my mom all the best . i love her so much . and i miss her jokes as well . im learning discipline all by myself . booooring . anyway i have to go now . or else this will go on and on and on till 11 . id better stop myself before it gets worse . and im getting hungry as well ~.~ ill post tomorrow ? this is still short compared to soliloquy . and that time i was freakin sleepy already . tsk . ill do a lot of these this week . and i hope i beat soliloquy :]

--hungryloser x]