having knowledge on javascript rocks ! i like my new layout . special thanks to:
★ knowledge on javascripthaha why oh why am i so obnoxious ? x] ill blog more later . im figuring out more about the pages . its cool x] be back later . i seriously need to study even if im really not in the proper mindset :|
★ Blogger templates
★ GOOGLE !x]
i need to blog before i review O.o haha i seriously cant take it . my head hurts . my ears are dysfunctional . and my nose is escaping . i dont know whats gotten into me . but ive been depressed the whole weekend as well as this morning . its like i dont have the right to be happy . *drama* . i really find their blogs a lot more interesting than mine . i guess they have fresher ideas than mine . my blog is my literal journal . speaking of journals . i wasted time once again on reading princess diaries . rather than writing notes on physics . i totally had to finish the book again before writing for physics . thats the thing i hate about myself i guess . i totally dont let go of books i started . i really need to finisht it first before i let go of such object . anyway . blog you are so old ~.~ i looked at my first post on blogger . and it brought back the urge for me to write that long again . btw for those who dont know . the first post is not the first blogger post . that was brought back from my multiply blog ;] . and its amazing how being random can make you type everything what you never really imagined what was really going through your mind . i never even really thought i could make such composition . i really wish i could make such composition again . but for now ill just let my fingers run through what is really on my mind . haha i am currently multi tasking by letting my fingers go through what is on my mind rather what i see . anyway . i dont know what to feel again . i feel like i should make a dream come true again . over dose of tangled again . itouch is telling me .
i used to care so much about what others think about .sad really . but it doesnt end there .
i almost didnt have a thought of my own .
the slightest remark . would make me embark on a journey of self doubt
this girl has got stronger .one of the songs i really love most . its old . i know . but i love natasha so much :3 a real sense of womanhood i guess . she taught me how to love myself :] still . i am too afraid to tell the world everything whats going on through my mind . maybe a reason why i am labeled as weird and very awkward to be with . no wonder no one likes to talk to me too much . anyway . id rather write it on a blog than say it to anyone . i guess teacher aida was right about my old dream of becoming a member of social groups like greenpeace . i cant even socialize . i care about the environment a lot . but i cant even adjust on my own community . its an irony as i may say . a person like myself would want to be a member of such an amazing organization . i guess ill just go to computer conferences in the near future . i would be mediocre . as i always feared . i dont want to be a part of the crowd . yet i dont stand out . i am left out . thats the term i guess . SELF ESTEEM PLEASE GROW . i HATE BLOGGiNG ABOUT YOU . this is SERiOUS iSSUE yet there is NO solution . :| i need a new topic . it sucks talking about my self esteem :
and if i knew then what i know now .
i would have told myself dont worry any longer its ok ;]
ok blog my head hurts and i dont want to write for physics again :| tsk i know . i know im lazy . forgive me but i really dont want to write T.T my feelings are all mixed up again . i really dont know who to love . and the reasons why i feel like so . i really loathe this feeling . up to now it really doesnt make sense to me . why am i like this ? ok i want to break down what i really feel . well yesterday i had a conversation with Arjone Marie Cruz and i told her . i think i want to pursue college and forget about a lot of things . im tired of becoming constantly hurt of the past and not moving forward . i keep pretending to be in love when really im not into it as much as they think i am . i am still haunted . i still love him most . guess what ? i get a lot depressed basically . im stupid i know . his posts are not for me . i shouldnt look at it . or else i will *i do* suffer the consequences and get hurt . well he is happy now . except the part where his real best friend doesnt like his new love . i really dont know why she disapproves . i really dont want to know who his new love is anymore . i dont want to be part of the topic . i dont want to be hindrance . i want to live in harmony with myself . well i also told arjone i want to forget about a nightmare . the person who scared me . i never want to see his face . i really dont know if he has the ability to love . i pity his girl friend . she deserves a better man . i really wonder . if she is smart enough to realize . how blind she's been on loving him . i dont know . i dont want to judge her anymore . i just feel she needs to wake up . at least i did . i dont want to be with a nightmare . i also told about arjone of my new dream . i still dont trust myself if it were to happen . i still dont trust me of the truth . i dont know if people tell of the truth . i will share one . the person who currently makes me happy most promised me something that i feel is worth breaking ."I am willing to wait for you"
i never really knew someone whould do that . and i dont feel like trusting . i already feel my heart breaking . i am really afraid of trusting now i guess . well i will share about my conversation with arjone about my new dream . my dream is now to learn how to trust . and love and believe in myself . and i also dream of a guy who would patiently wait and trust me more than i can ever trust myself . if you know me enough you would know how low my self esteem really is . and how i totally loathe myself . i dream of forgiving and forgetting . i once realized . i never really had proper dreams . i was always filled with nightmares . and fears of who i really am . i fear what is really laid before me . i fear it would someday consume me and take me . i realized i never dreamed . i only wished and now . i need to hold on to what i believe is called hope .
i miss writing love on his arms
--Vince's brokenwingedangel
ok so i wish there was a like page on blogger as well . haha ! i so totally found an alumni's page . an old friends page . and even an unexpected friend's page. and i kinda looked at my linkage . and i found out some of them dont use their blogs any more *no surprise* and some of the blogs were deleted . so i kinda renewed my sidebar O.o well i need it i guess . btw i still find their posts cooler than mine . i am so awful at this . i should delete mine as well ~.~ but i wouldnt . my blogger is my best friend . haha i whip my hair x] btw did i ever tell you that there is now never a day that i do not open the mapua site ? if there would be a stalker list of that particular website . my name would be on top x] well i dont know why . but im freakin exited . oh . did i even tell i passed ? ~.~ heres a screen shot :
i therefore conclude . i suck at making blogs . haha . well basically . i saw 2 blogs from my school that are seriously worth reading . and are real literature . mine is almost like a journal i guess . its not like im in love like them . they always have a sure reader or something . im trying my best to not get jealous . haha . who am i anyways ? i dont see my own worth . btw this blog is a day late couz i talked to my virtual brother . he told me a lot . it really fun to have him around . and its really cute to have a guy tell you a KV story . its very unlikely he told me the story . and yet he knows that i would always listen to his stories . how i wish he is a real brother of mine :| btw . im guessing im saying goodbye to ran online ? i now quit on trying to make it work on windows 7 . i know i can but i really dont want to anymore i guess . its just . i dont know . well im currently playing dragonica and the funny thing is . its not very entertaining as much as ran . well . i guess its time to uninstall it . i really dont stand a chance . im still a nutter when it comes to computer . i get a feeling this day is wasted as well . seriously dont like feeding my boredom with games anymore . i dont have a pen to use to write my notes yet . haha im such a loser . i didnt even have a leatherette to finish my project . im such a loser . im dead bored i guess . i freakin dont have anyone to talk to during weekends . maybe thats why i hate it so much now . i miss someone who always used to talk to me during my free time . anyways . i am a no one to him now . i take that as a fact and accept fate couz its my freakin fault . btw yesterday bhez decided i walk her home . to my house . couz after so she will go to Eugene's house . when she told me she needed my guide . someone unexpected decided to join as well . he is basically the person who always want to sit next to me . and decided to want to walk with me as well . haha its weird . what i just typed was so wrong couz basically he already danced with me . im so freakin stupid ¬.¬ . i really dont know but i really wish hope he isnt like the others before him . or maybe im just really not worth anything . here goes my low self esteem again . i talked about it with my virtual brother yesterday . and maybe he's right i just need a someone to take care of my freakin world . i am now seriously afraid of trust issues . and i am also afraid of myself now . i know and i get the feeling i am a very horrible person whenever i am alone or something . i really dont get myself . a huge part of me tells me that i need to go and trust other persons while another tells me i dont matter to them and i just need to keep hold of myself and keep everything to myself . my happiness . my stories . i get the freakin feeling no one is really going to listen to me but my blog . no one looks at my blog . i know . based on my stat as well . i just . i dont know . i need someone that trusts whatever i freakin do and doesnt complain who im with . maybe thats all i want for now . maybe i also need a someone who will seriously wait for me for 2 years . i hope he's the one :3totally randomdamsel'dloser
2 nights ago was the best night of my life ♥ . its the unexpected fun of prom . everybody basically didnt expect to like it much . but everybody in that room loved it more than deserved .its not that it doesnt deserve to be appreciated . its just . everything took our breath away . its like the room suddenly shifted for everyone to enjoy and share the night . its not like we had a choice . the song drew us together . and a bond was formed . some of us barefooted . some of them was even on the stage leading the party . everyone was having the night of their lives . im not gonna be plastic but almost everyone was a different person . like myself as an example . i looked and felt like one . well basically even people from america was talking about me . its kinda weird . having a conference call again with america and italy . im just typing here and just listening to their conversation . well my dad just hang up . and so silence is back . oh btw . i had a 2 night stay at kathleen's house . its a plus on the best night ever and the best day ever x] i really had the time of my life :3 its really amazing how everything fits into place . except the part when i go home and see my ruined pc which contains all my files and all my project . basically i do not have back up . and i feel like crying again . and its annoying . if ever i need to reformat . i just wish only the C:\ part needs to be formatted . i really hope E:\ will be safe :| *cross fingers* anyhow i would like to say that i just got a praise from my grandmom . which is very unlikely . and made me kinda proud of myself . thank you prom . well its not everyday i get that privilege . its almost like a treat for doing a trick x] btw i am currently addicted to tangled . its still on my mind x] its freakin cute and i totally adore it x] btw i just want to share . when prom ended . it almost felt like my life ended . but then i realized . its my high school life that ended . that childhood was long before me . and that i was about to get older and go to college . that what i felt is actually the opposite . my life is only about to begin :3 ♥
angel's best friend
~lovelyloser.♥
hey blog . i currently have no writing apparatus with me . haha . well basically jerome has my pencil case and ive got none on me right now . anyways . i have to admit . today may be the weirdest day ever to have existed . i guess . well i really prevented myself of expecting such romantic things due to the fact a saint died and wanted everyone to spread love on the day he died . which is kinda annoying couz basically its his death day . stupid . anyway ¬.¬ . its a really complicated day to celebrate . like what i read yesterday . its just some lame excuse to make guys let girls feel like princesses in which they should do everyday of the freakin year . you just dont do it on valentines day . oh by the way . i did receive something . and its not a something i should get used to . i got a flower . and its pink . haha . so i gave it to kath to tease her . in which she almost threw out . well she basically presumed it was from jerome . in which she is once again correct . but its better i give her something for a weird change . oh btw today we took up apsa again . its freakin weird again . i wonder what would be the results . i really didnt take that seriously once again . tsk again before i go and study for the post test tomorrow morning . one more share . i am annoyed and my arm now has a new bruise on it . its freakin blue . thanks to mr independence . tsk .
good evening :3 im just blogging for a sec . i guess . anyway i just realized i finished my blog early last time . i forgot to share about the fact that i have the right to obtain jerome's necklace in which no other creature was allowed to use so until i came along . haha ! im so evil . im breaking tradition :| i kinda realized this object is his lucky charm or something . couz basically . sometime after he removed the said object . some liquid spilled over his shirt .i feel evil . i think i should return it ~.~ . moving on . today is saturday . we have cat during saturday . and this saturday is not just any saturday .we had our mini bivouac ! x] its seriously something i want to get used to . haha . its got a lot of team building . and physical and mental stuff to make your head work . i really like doing it . the only thing is . ive got no team to build with . haha . only myself and my sisters . and maybe even just me . haha anyways . i didnt expect much . but i really liked almost every part of it :3 i could ask for more . but that would be too much to ask of them . maybe someday :3
ok so i officially got my period today . and it hurts a lot to the point where i was almost vomiting again . i really hate that . basically i thought i was gonna get the vomits again . well i decided that i needed to visit the clinic once more . haha . its a kinda good feeling to come back to that place 'couz i wont anymore next year . im guessing ill come back there if ever i visit dla again :3 the clinic of dla is one of the places in the world where i feel most safe :3 ill really miss that place if i go to college . speaking of college . i feel like dying . basically i am once again in the face of the greatest irony in my life . i SERiOUSLY passed Mapúa . but i SERiOUSLY failed Analytic Geometry . like WTH is wrong with me ? . and SERiOUSLY ? how in the world will i get my grades up in physics as well ? i have a feeling i wont go to Mapúa as well :| i feel like crying . and speaking of crying . i was crying last night . im guessing the reasons are .
