11.17.2009

frustrations

ok i really need to blog . my mind cant function for english . gawdd i miss verdana x-small . i really miss my computer too . i so totally hate this . i hate everything about myself . well here is what i want to say . i really am totally annoyed with myself and everything connected with myself . well lets start with home . i guess maybe im just annoyed with home so anyways . i had another heart to heart talk with uncle dearest . i guess he is becoming the godfather i used to imagine he is . well his name is the only name i see in my baptismal certificate . well i guess i have to side with him with my cousin being a biatch . well basically she is . i hate using foul words but my head is really troublesome and i guess i just cant help it anymore . this is my outlet and i miss it and i hate that biatch for not letting me have my outlet and i get my mess everywhere . so now i can keep my mess on one place again . wow i guess im coming back to my senses and making this blog . well i dont want to be a biatch either and not express my dear annoyance [oxymoron ohh XD] well i need to blog this because i cannot restart my mind with elegy written in a country churchyard . i really hate life when i really cant express . id rather leave or fail or anything . but i really need an outlet . in school i cannot speak myself out . i cannot make everyone listen to me . well basically they just listen to themselves . well heres an insight . well i really hate some persons inside of the very room i consider as another home . well since i realized that i dont consider that place as anything but a study room now . so anyways heres the thing . i really hate pushovers who think they are the ones who people need to listen to when really they are just some other losers who really just feel like they are authority when really they arent . so going back . its not just this thing but i know behind my back they talk about me like im a burden and unneeded like a little baggage needed to be disposed of . so anyways i really dont like their attitude . getting all of the tasks needed to be done for themselves alone and telling you . you dont have anything to do while they are all stressed out . like hell ! you are not a god to get all of the tasks done with one hand and you complain to the ones who dont do anything because you guys did everything already . well . im saying im not like those too dependents but i really just hate it when you offer help and they dont accept they sometimes blame you for their fault already . wow . im getting lesser pains in my chest now . so another is for todaii . well i just learned that the 2 persons i love and respect in school [take note the only 2] are half day . well i was thinking kath wouldnt because she actually was quite happy with me during break and even took me out and dragged me to the cafeteria . well i feel like she will have a check up or something . i hope she's ok . and the other person i love and respect in school is max . well i was quite worried of him also . well he is really sick and i cant help but think of him like crazy . well it is vomiting . the thing i used to hate for one month . well i know his isnt anxiety . thats good . you really wouldnt like the feeling of having to look around you and feel the person you are waiting for isnt coming back . . . . . btw i got an anxiety attack when my dad first came back to the phils and he needed to go back to italy which caused a curse in my heart . so anyways if i were to write all the curses in my life it wouldnt fit in this very blog post . i just want my chest to open up a bit . its not healthy not having my blog around . i missed my blog well i feel a bit better . . . . . i guess at least . well its not like my old blogposts like august :[ i miss august :[


-- stop the tears from falling . need to find self actualization . stop faux pas . stop faux ami

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