8.31.2010

the end of august

ok so . i guess today is what i would say . better than yesterday . i will again believe it is one of my witty saying of tomorrow is only either better or worse . anyway . i like this day better because . yesterday . i was in the midst of crying again . i really was awfully tired . and got a sermon for a reason i dont know so . well i really felt a lot sad that day . i really dont know why . maybe because almost everyone was out of the house . and i kind of had a twinge in my heart once more . well basically . the guy from my last post didnt even bother to greet me . i miss my mom . i had a sermon and all that . i really stopped myself from crying . but my tears failed me once again . it bothers me . it annoys me to hell . i wouldnt even believe it was my birthday if the calendar didnt post the oh.eight.thirty.twenty.ten on it . dang . i really was asking god why does the calendar lie ? . but basically it wouldnt . its national hero's day . it wouldnt go wrong . its just the people around me . or maybe its just me . i know its me . i feel more than an idiot again . i hate myself . i wanted to die the same day i was born . it felt like ive got no one on my side anymore . like my friend from my last post being my partner in crime now gone . ive really got no one else to depend on like our crazy schemes . its like i need to act mature . i dont feel mature . i feel more down . i feel more worthless . adding my aunt's anger on me . ive got no one to help me . with my sister on practice that same day . i felt really undeserving to live . maybe thats why i couldnt make myself eat at yanna's house . i really love that group and our presentation :] thanks for the time guys . i really appreciate the effort of making me happy that day . but i guess i really am not a very easy person to force in to being happy . i tend to be plastic . but there are times i dont make an effort to try . it seems like its not too good to tell you im good but im really not . but there are also time i just need to fake it out to please others . well i got used to the fact people dont amuse me . i never really get amused a lot . man . i have so many sides of me i never really got to know . just this third and fourth year high school of my life . man im stupid . i guess its an effort to both parties to make me at least smile and make them believe im happy . i feel numb . and dumb . i miss some person who doesnt even miss me . haha i guess he is pushing me out of his life anyway . i need a new distraction . or maybe an inspiration . i slept in what i guess late . and woke up really sleepy . well basically i got nervous due to costumes . it was all long and unusual . i dont normally go nervous on stage plays and on stage events . i got used to the weird stage of dla . but it was good i guess :] it made me laugh a lot in front of my classmates . haha . my groupmates made us open our mouths while dancing . like the one you do while cheer dancing . we look very funnie . i really couldnt stop laughing when we talked about that on the thirtieth . all that stuff and laughing of my classmates made us smile . well i guess pascal really cant get over the f4 . haha . anyway . i really cant help but be happy also . but i didnt make the effort at joining them at taking pictures of one another . its too much tupperware to bear . its not too healthy . but it made me happy teacher lan greeted me not only in facebook but hugged me at the teachers nook :] i felt really happy she did :] normal teachers wouldnt even notice my birthday . oh sir erbert greeted me through facebook also :] that made me happy too :] but he didnt bother anymore at class . im not one of his favorites . in recitations maybe . but not those who he really hangs out with . i kinda feel jelous O.o i honestly dont know why also O.o anyway . one again i didnt like physics session . because he made us do venn diagrams . blah blah :| also in tle . sir was out again . maybe for his badminton team again . nothing new i guess ? maybe i just dont know the details . anyway . i got a new product design . haha . its hard T.T haha ! my own product design annoys me . haha . anyway . it looks better than my abstract design of the product . haha ! well it annoyed me he didnt let me join the discussion of new products for the second quarter . but what can i do about it anyway ? . so it looks entirely different . and entirely better . haha . i failed that stupid first design . haha . i wonder what our grade for filipino day is ? O.o i felt a lot better today . i guess maybe another bad one for tomorrow ? wish me luck i guess . tomorrow is wednesday anyway . its cat day . and im guessing ill remove the other event i always do every wednesday and saturday nights . anyway . i need to sleep . before i break down again . oh another song for him .


~the infatuation is always there Typecast

don't understand, what you're trying to say
no need to say it i am leaving
but don't walk away, just stay right there
i'll fall, and i'll just look at you
i'll just look at you, i'll just look at you
i'll just look at you

don't know why, i always feel like this
it's hard to breath when you're around
your big blue eyes, are driving me to sleep
the space is tearing me, i'll stay please stay
i'll stay please stay, i'll stay please stay
i'll stay please stay

words are not important, smiles are all i need from you
the yearning, is getting stronger i'm dumb
i hope you like me too

you're two tables away, and you could see me mesmerize
i wanna talk to you but i'm so scared
before i never cared, the infatuation's never there
and now it's killing me, i really hate myself
i really hate myself, i really hate myself
i really hate myself

words are not important, smiles are all i need from you
the yearning, is getting stronger i'm dumb
i hope you like me too
words are not important, smiles are all i need from you
the yearning, is getting stronger i'm dumb
i hope you like me too

im going back to typecast i guess ? its kind of senti . but i guess it fits my mood . good night . still miss my friend

~distressedloser

0 discriminations:

Post a Comment