shoot me through

before you read . note:

this blog is very self centered . . pls forgive me if you will not appreciate it

ok . so its my time to shine . and the same time to weep . well basically i feel kind of awful . and . the reason is . because . someone hates me . but he isnt telling me the truth why . so here i am supposing . that i am once more an eyesore for anyone who meets me by . its really unfair . i feel wasted . its like he just blew up our friendship . we have been through an awful lot . and its really not good that he just threw away our friendship like some kind of garbage which means i am a waste in his life . its really not good also not being without him . i like have a thousand stories to tell almost everyday . . . . but now . im blocked . and annoyed . and hurt . there is this feeling i got used to his presence . and i really cant think straight . i know in myself i did not do anything wrong to make him hate me . it feels like i lost a something once more . but this time its hard to trust if i could still find it . well i have to say . i adjusted almost my personality for every person i like to be with . like hazel garcia wanting me to be more responsible . like anthea always being at her side . also like arjone never used to having me annoyed or her hurting me . anyway . the point is . i changed because of him too . im just not sure . but some others noticed it . i know in myself there are a lot to count . i feel awful . like i was only used for a purpose . like im not a friend . anyway . i look like a toy . so why bother treat me as a person right ? i get it . thats why i was depressed . im having my self esteem lowered once more . thats why its a heart break . tsk . this is more than bitch slap . weit . what am i talking about . he's a guy . tsk . such a loser once more . wrecked body . i feel distorted . rawr ! i have to say . for me . he has no right to block me from his friend list . from his life . well basically there are a lot of things . and memories we promised and care for . man . this is so unfair for me . breaking everything we have . even connections . its like im a stranger to you once more . like . argh i dont know where to put myself in your life anymore . well basically i used think in myself that . you will be one of the persons in my life that i will not forget about whatever happens . like comrades not moving without the other . but i guess i was just an illusion . not a something you will need someday . just a paper to right on for today . a note you will need for a period of time . and a paper you will throw away someday . i feel that i dont want to be recycled by someone else . its really depressing to think that . i cared for you and you will treat me like this . im guessing we wasted our time together . the small and big events we done . our simple joys and glorious hours . every achievement . disregarded . what a simple answer of rejection . for a very deep meaning of friendship for me . typecast is piercing me to the bones . ill just put the lyrics if i have to . haha . ill just put it later maybe . ahm . im guessing i am very redundant by now . still . it hurts to think . the person you have always trusted and gave up a lot of time for to be together with pushed you away from his life like junk . my heart hurts :[

~boston drama Typecast

Standard pick-up lines that seems to wreck your bones
Can this be a sequel of my dying hope?
Chasing down a never ending make-believe
But you're a perfect match of consistency

Will you come back in a heartbeat?
Don't be confused of what a great thing we could be
We'll take a walk on the same street
Can you tell me how Boston is like without me?

You're image is stamp beneath the insides of my heart
Now you're gone I don't know where to start
The evidence is showing like a stable apprehension
But you're the only one who's apt for this affection

~my heroine Silverstein

the drugs began to peak
A smile of joy arrives in me
But sedation changes to panic and nausea
And breath starts to shorten
And heartbeats pound softer.

You wont try to save me
You just want to hurt me and leave me desperate.

You taught my heart
A sense I never knew I had
I can't forget
The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my heroine.

You won't leave me alone
Chisel my heart out of stone
I give in everytime.

You taught my heart
A sense I never knew I had
I can't forget
The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my heroine

I bet you laugh
At the thought of me thinking for myself (myself)
I bet you believe (bet you believe)
That I'm better off with you than someone else

Your face arrives again
All hope I had becomes surreal
But under your cover's
More torture than pleasure
And just past your lips
There's more anger than laughter
Not now or forever will I ever change you
I know that to go on I'll break you, my habit

You taught my heart
A sense I never knew I had
I can't forget
The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth
How do you do it?
You're my heroine

~~disregardedloser