8.11.2009

something is really wrong with me

. . . . i seriously think i have a pschycological defect . or is it melancholia . . . . for what ? ! i feel really stupid . couz i really am stupid . time to stop wearing a mask couz my good days are over . the loser has gone back ? couz i am one . emotional deteriation ! gawwd ! is stupidity my number one asset ? Guiller called me at recess and i wondered why he called me . it was because i was oddfully quiet that day . i wonder . . . . . . . if i would run in front of a real speeding car would anyone chase me ? . . would anyone even try to help me ? . . for God's sake . i know the answer is solid no . why would anyone try to help me ? im nothing but trouble anyways . and now i also wonder . why would my groupmates in ap try to feed me ? was that real ? or was i illusioning ? i heard my name being voiced out again . or was it really just me lying to myself ? i have no doubts about God . but to be honest . i am just really stupid . look . they are calling me now to eat and im just brushing them off . well i really know in myself im an attention seeker but now i just feel like its not me if i am . forgive me im stupid ive got no stories to tell . well bye

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